There's been something wrong in the past week. I just haven't been happy, not that you need to be "happy" to be "joyful," but whatever. One of the students in my class made a comment about happiness. He said that there are so many more things to be sad about than to be happy for. This broke my heart.
Ever since I got back from camp everything has been sky high: my relationship with God, my friendships, just everything. And then school started. (Is this only our fifth week of school?) I don't hate school, really! but when my alarm goes off in the morning the only thought in my head is I HATE SCHOOL! But I don't! So there it goes, and as happiness plummets, so do my grades. Although, that might just be because of all the stupid quizzes teachers feel are necessary to hand out. And that is when I know something is wrong.
I'm going to be honest with you here, up until this summer, I never actually read my Bible. I mean, yeah, I knew the stories, and I knew a few verses (I need to work on my memorization skills!) but I didn't get it. You know that feeling when you're sitting in math class and it feels like the teacher is speaking in Japanese? And then maybe you have a substitute teacher, or you just wake up on the right side of the bed for once and everything clicks. That's what happened this summer.
It was a week before camp and we were on our way back from a youth event two hours away. It was dark and I wanted to hear a ghost story, because I'm crazy like that. I don't know how we got on this topic but one of my friends started talking about heaven and hell and how people have been there and come back to life. I know there are books out there like 90 Minutes in Heaven and 23 Minutes in Hell and I can't say that I agree or disagree with the stories these people are telling because I haven't had the opportunity to read the books. What I did know was that if I died at that moment I would not go to Heaven. Needless to say, this was a very disturbing realization!
When we arrived home it was like one o'clock in the morning. But whatever, it was summer, no worries. I immediately pulled my Bible off the shelf where it had sat since eighth grade graduation. Yeah, it had been that long. I flipped to the Book of John and started reading. My dad always tells new Christians to read John first, because it's like the beginning of the world and Jesus' life all in one book. So that's where I began. It was amazing, the words came alive, Jesus' Words. When I had read a few chapters I flipped to the very back of my Bible and began to read Revelations. Now, I'm not sure why everyone says Revelations is boring. It isn't! It is a little hard to understand at first, I'll admit to that but it is so amazing to think that Jesus is going to come back and take us Home with Him.
When I had absorbed more information than I had all summer I began to pray. And not just "Jesus, thank you for this day, Amen" pray, but really pray. After I had exhausted myself and my emotions I finally was able to fall asleep, knowing that if I were to die at that moment I would indeed find myself in Heaven.
Before I go any further I need to make something perfectly clear to you. I am not telling you this to brag or try to scare you into reading your Bible or going to church. I am simply telling you my story, the way it needs to be told. It is yours to do with what you want.
A week later I found myself at camp and had the most amazing experience out of the four years I have been going to Camp Table Rock (see blog posts Knowing Your Faith, Proving the Truth, Seeing the Face of God, Go Light Your World). When at camp we have accountability partners, someone to tell everything to and they are supposed to tell you the honest truth. This year I wound up being accountability partners with someone I knew and the way we were able to share with each other and pray for each other . . . it's just something I can't explain.
When I got home I was so excited to share what I had found, Whom I had found, with everyone at school. I'm not sure if this is working very well but at least all of my friends know where I stand. Anyway, the whole point of all my rambling is that in the past week I've just been feeling blahh. And that's when I started feeling unhappy. Every night before I go to bed I tell myself that faith is based on fact and not emotions and every morning when I wake up I scream at my alarm clock to shut up because life seems so hopelessly pointless.
Tonight at youth group we talked about going outside of our comfort zones. Such a simple suggestion, but it's the only way to truly live for God. Starting Thursday, the youth groups in our community will be handing out "Life Books." It's the Book of John, in "teenage language." There are so many people who need God, who need hope. My prayer is that every student, every teacher in my school will receive one of these books and will read it with an open mind and an open heart and maybe, just maybe, God will work a miracle in your life.
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