Live and Learn

Now that I've experienced the full effects of a half-marathon, I am taking some time to reflect on everything I did or didn't do to prepare for the big run!

I did not know what I was getting myself into. AT ALL. I had no idea of the time commitment it would take. So running was put first. After God and church and family (?) of course. But I have had no social life since I began training, so it's a good thing that summer is almost here.

I took one look at the training program and just started running. I didn't know what I was doing, didn't have the proper shoes or socks, and thought I was strong enough to do it by myself. Because of the shoe issue, I ended up with ankle pain about two months ago, which really freaked me out. I went to Running Wild, and they fit me with the perfect shoes. Voila! Pain no more. (Except a few blisters, ouch.)

Also, I got really lucky. A few of the women who help with the eighth grade running program at my middle school offered to run with me. It really helped to have them run the long distances with me and coach me through them. Plus, they have ultra cool running watches. No need to question my distance!

In the beginning, I didn't think about tracking my time or mile pace. I really wish I would have! I think if I were to start from scratch and do it again I would choose more of a run/walk program to build speed and endurance.

Just thoughts for next time. For my first half, I'm pretty proud of myself. And if you ever feel crazy enough to do a half-marathon, GO FOR IT! It will be the best, worst, most painful, exciting, exhilarating experience of your life.

Half-Marathon!

Yep. It's official. I have finally ran 13.1 miles. My time? 2:27:36 at an 11:16 pace.

I woke up this morning at 4:45, so nervous that I didn't even feel the need to hit the snooze button. My "running breakfast" always consists of yogurt (Noosa) and a banana. Try as I might, I had absolutely no appetite. So I force fed myself while I sipped a glass of water.

We arrived downtown at about a quarter after six. I stretched, and we waited in the car for fifteen minutes (it was a little chilly). I was so nervous I thought I was going to cry. My dad prayed for me and we went to the starting line. This race was really nice because it had signs for mile times to let you know where to stand in the pack. I was nearer the back. Five minutes later everyone began moving forward. Here we go!

The first mile was weird. About 0.2 into it there was an extremely narrow bridge that we had to cross. Everyone literally stood there for about three minutes, waiting for their chance to cross. I was getting antsy waiting for the crowd to thin out. The first four miles was a piece of cake. But mile five, that was a long stretch. It just seemed so ominous. So I made a friend, and before I knew it, I could see mile six. There was a water station every two miles, which I always stopped and walked at. At mile six, I ate a GU packet, Lemon Sublime, my favorite, but it kind of made my stomach upset. Too much water, I think. It went away about a mile later.

It was a pretty uneventful race. Which is good, in my opinion. I stopped again at mile ten to eat another GU (chocolate outrage - it tastes like brownie batter!), and kept on towards the finish line. With three miles left, I was totally pumped up. There were people on every block cheering us on. It was kind of awesome. The last two miles were hard. There were a lot more hills than I expected, not very steep, just l-o-n-g, and I walked up a lot of them. When I was told three blocks until the finish line, I broke out into a spring. It felt incredible, except for the feeling like I was going to throw up. (No worries, I kept everything down).

I passed the finish line with a smile on my face and 13.1 miles stronger. Yes, I got a finishers medal. I always wondered why medals were such a big deal, now I know why!

I drank a ton of water and ate half a banana directly after the race. We waited around for a little bit before coming home. I feel like it was kind of anticlimactic. Whatever, I finished and I am so proud of myself!

Now if you would excuse me, I'm going to take a nap.

Run Strong

I officially have less than twenty four hours until my race. And you know what? I'm kind of totally freaking out about it. The past week, I've run a total of eight miles. Normally, I run around 25 to 30. I know, I know. Trust my training. I've told myself that time and time again. I'm sure every runner feels totally unprepared the day before a race. Right?

Last night was my last official day of training. I ran a mile and a half. I've had my running log duct taped to my door for about five months now, and last night I finally took it down. Bittersweet moment. It'll be nice to be able to run whatever, whenever I want to after the race. I'm going to have so much free time I won't know what to do with myself!

Throughout the week I've totally been obsessing about my eating habits. What I can or should or absolutely must not eat. I told myself no desert, but come on, I love sugar. Not possible. But I figure if I ruined that throughout the week I can at least get it right tonight. I ate spaghetti, a lot of it. But I promise, I didn't overeat. I drank a Gatorade yesterday and today and have drank a lot of water tonight. Again, not too much that I feel like I'm going to puke water all over the place.

What am I worried about? I'm worried that I'll wake up with an upset stomach. That's what happened last weekend before the 10K, and I hardly ate anything. This goes without saying that I was really hungry during the race. I'm also nervous that I'll get lost. Don't laugh, it's possible. I'm directionally challenged. But I'm trusting that their will be enough police officers and others to guide me. It's supposed to be warm tomorrow, close to ninety. This is something I absolutely cannot let myself think about. It's out of my control. Besides, the weather shouldn't be that warm between seven and ten in the morning.

Tonight, we drove down to pick up my number and race-timer-thingy (I just forgot what it's called!). My number is 445. This all feels so unreal. It's not really me doing it, you know? I feel like I'm living someone else's live for just a few moments. I mean seriously, me, running a half marathon. Yeah right. But I am going to do it and it is going to be awesome.

At this point, I just want to get started. I feel like I can't wait another moment. I'm waking up at five tomorrow morning to hydrate and fuel myself and I know that those two hours before my race are going to be excruciating!

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." -John J. Bingham

Let's do this thing!

10K

This weekend I ran my second race EVER. The first time I ran this race was when I was in eighth grade. Six miles seemed like a lot before I began training for a half-marathon, now it's just a part of my training. I know I'm supposed to be tapering this week, but this was such a great opportunity for me to get a "practice race" in before my big run. Besides, this wasn't about me, this one was about my sister, Anna. She and my mother have been training for this race since I started training for mine. I wanted to see them finish.

This race was a community race to raise money for the school districts. It was the fifth annual race, so it's pretty small, at least for a serious runner. I thought there were a ton of people there! I was going to take it easy, but then I realized that I could place in my age division and I couldn't risk not trying. After all, we all know that next weekend's race will be more about me finishing than anything else. 

I had hoped to get in six miles in under an hour. I'm beginning to think that I'm just setting myself up for failure when I time myself. I blame it on the humongous hills along the route, some of which I had to walk up. My time was 1:06:39 with an average pace of 10:43. 

My sister came in second in her age division, which is awesome! She does this with her middle school and the girls always take first, second, and third in their age group. She had a time around 1:13 along with my mother. 

To brag on myself a little, I got first in the women's 15 to 19 category. This race wasn't about me finishing. Like I said before, I run six miles on an average basis with my training. This race, for me, was about knowing that I can do my half-marathon and experiencing the hyper-activity of a race before I get caught up in it next weekend.

Am I nervous for next weekend? Unimaginably so. Nerves put me in a bad mood. Always. So I'm going to have to fight that this week along with my anxiety. It's horrible for me to want it to be over. This is going to be an awesome experience! 

For training this week my program has me running three miles both Monday and Tuesday and one mile on Friday. I was told to cut down my running even more than that so I'm not sure what I'll actually be doing. I will be staying away from any food that is spicy - can't eat that before a run! And I'm going to try, TRY to stay away from anything too sweet. I want to be in the best shape possible for next week. "Trust your training." I don't know how many times I've heard that. What I really want to do right now is go out and run twelve miles. Not really, though. That sounds exhausting. 

Pray for me! I know I'll be saying this verse hundreds of times during the race. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  

Moving On

As the school year is coming to a close, I begin to realize how quickly things change. Many of my friends are seniors this year, going of to live their life. Partying it up at college (just kidding). I'm no different from the next person when I say I hate saying goodbye's. They rip me apart inside until I feel as if I can't feel anymore.

The reason I'm writing about goodbye's is because one of my senior friends is leaving particularly early. He's going to be a counselor at a youth camp, which is totally awesome, but I'm totally going to miss him. So as I was mourning the loss of a friend not yet gone I realized I was being selfish and stupid. Sure, yeah, some of the people I care about are going places. But they're going places! They're following where God is leading them. Here I am being all mournful and tearful at their departure when they're doing God's Will.

On my way home from youth group on Tuesday, as I was bitterly contemplating what it will be like without the seniors, this song came on the radio. "We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the change to say gotta live like we're dying." Maybe it's just me, but this song was totally speaking to me. I realized that I can't mourn someone who isn't gone. Salvage the time you have left to spend with those you love, even those you don't. We only have so much time to share God's Word with others. If that means he's calling you to move out of state, go for it.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.'" He will take care of you. Trust Him.

  

As for me? I need to trust God to take care of my friends. They're going to do amazing things, wherever God leads them. Use your time wisely because "every second counts on the clock that's ticking. Gotta live like we're dying."

The Dreaded Swimsuit

It's almost summertime. Ladies, you know what that means. Yes, it's time to dig deep into your closet and pull out your swimsuit. As you do this I'm sure you'll be crossing your fingers that it still fits . . . or that you can even find it!

Middle school was around the time I began to feel self-conscience in a bathing suit. I'm sure this is true of everyone. My first swimsuit dressing room horror story was in eighth grade. It was a week before my class trip my mother and I were shopping for swimsuits. I was so excited, until I realized that NOTHING LOOKED RIGHT! I'm sure I tried on a hundred suits (and just as many tears) until I finally decided to "throw in the towel" and chose the next one on the sales rack.

Swimsuits are a pain. I just don't even know where to begin. For me, the most important part of a swimsuit is that it's appropriate. That's kind of a difficult task, obviously. Nothing in swimwear will ever be modest. The next thing is I have to feel comfortable in it. I will never wear a bikini. That's a personal choice.

I guess the inspiration of this post was that I just bought a new swimsuit. I went shopping with the intention of buying a new pair of running shorts and ended up in the swimwear section of the store. I'm normally hesitant to shop for a new swimsuit, but I saw a cute one and just had to try it on. To my surprise, I didn't hate it. Which is better than most of the swimsuits I buy. Why waste a good thing?

What I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about what you look like on the beach, or in my case, on our nasty lake sand. Everyone is way more worried about how they look than how you look. Have fun, enjoy yourself, stay modest if at all possible. Remember, if you feel good, you look good.

Taper Time

I did it! I am in the last two weeks of my training program. It is so crazy how fast this has gone. I mean, it felt like it was never going to end when I started, but now that it's almost over I realize how fast time has flown by. Isn't that how it always is?

I ran my last ten miles yesterday. Because I had to work, I wasn't able to run in the morning like I prefer. It was really hard to get my butt in gear after working. I took a two hour "break from life" and headed out as the day started to cool off. My mother is a saint and rode her bike with me the entire ten miles. She said it's nice because it takes a lot of control to ride that slowely. Plus, mother-daughter talk time is the best! It was a really great run. Halfway through I had some strawberry bananna GU, which I think tastes amazing. Honestly, I really like that stuff. GU is an energy gel (kind of like condensed Gatorade) that replaces your glycogen, which is kind of like a long-term energy storage and is made by the liver and muscles. By the last mile of my run, my knees really began to hurt. I know that this is a side effect of running. You can't really avoid it, so I just iced my knees when I got home. Now I'm hoping for the best!

Since Saturday was my last long run, it's taper time! In order to rest up your muscles before a race, athletes take a period of time to slow down before race day. And yes, I consider myself and athlete. You have no right to challenge me until you have run a half-marathon or greater. Anyway, for a half-marathon, the recommended taper is two weeks. I will, however, be running a 10k next weekend (six miles). My mother and sister have been training for this for twelve weeks and I decided to run it with them. I wanted to get a "practice race" in before my half-marathon.

A lot of runners have a hard time with tapering. Probably because they get the feeling that they are going to gain weight or lose muscle mass before the race. Of everything I've read, you won't lose anything you've worked for in two weeks. I will have no problem taking it easy for the next few days. It will be nice to run three miles instead of six, and six instead of ten.

Of course, as I get closer to race day I think of everything that I might have done wrong during my training. When starting I had no idea what I was doing. I just began running. As I look back, I realize that I should have paced myself. Every run I've been running at an easy speed for me. I should have done fast runs, slow runs, and some runs in between. But whatever. Another thing that drove me crazy at first was when I had to skip a run because I was busy. I soon learned that in order to be a happy racer I had to give myself some leaway. We can't all be hardcore trainers. For my first race, I'd say that I've had a very successful training.

It's probably crazy to think ahead to another race before I've finished this one. But now that I've gotten this far and realized that I can do it, I can't imagine not doing a full marathon. I'm not talking about in the next six months or anything, but in five years? Yes, I can see myself crossing the finish line of a marathon five years from now. In the meantime, I'll focus on my speed. I can't imagine running for six hours!

My race is in thirteen days. That is so crazy! I don't know what I'm going to do when my race is over. I feel like I've been putting all of my energy and time into training. As much as I have enjoyed having something to work towards, I can't imagine being a die heart racer. Living from race to race does not sound like something I would enjoy.

Wish me luck! And happy training.

An Art of Sorts

I consider myself an artist. Yes, writing is an art. After all, it is called Language ARTS for a reason. For the last term of school I decided to take a photography class, which is crazy for me because I'm not "artistic" in the way photography needs you to be. You know, the camera with film as old as your cassette player? I got lucky and my mother still had our old film camera. I didn't realize how much preparation it took to develop film. Taking pictures is alright, but developing them is so relaxing.

I don't particularly enjoy developing the film, however. But once you get to see the negatives, it's so exciting to print your own photographs. I was in the dark room by myself for a little while on Friday. It's so quiet and peaceful back there. To develop pictures there has to be a constant water flow. With the lights dim and the trickling water, it just takes the edge off your day. I absolutely love it! It is a shame that we have gone to digital. It's magical to see your photo appear on the photo paper. Film photography is where it's at!

"Beauty can be seen in all things, seeing and composing the beauty is what separates the snapshots from the photograph." - Matt Hardy

FOCUS

I am sure that you've all heard by now, but let me tell you a little secret: It's finally May! With the weather getting increasingly warmer every day it's hard to remember that we still have four weeks of school left. I mean, really, the school year is o-v-e-r. Eighteen more school days and we'll be having late night bonfires and burning our unnecessary school materials. (Not that we would ever do that.)

I had a teacher tell me that once you start a countdown, your grades go down also. Out of all of his "words of wisdom" this one might be true. I am definitely losing focus as the year comes down to a close. The problem? We have advance placement exams for the next two weeks, and I need to study along with the rest of my high school.

I am really just ready for this year to be over. It has been tough, there have been tears, but I have done it. Almost. After AP exams, it'll be a breeze from there on out. My father was talking about summer today and meantioned that we have less than a month until our vacation. This is going to be the craziest month of my life! At the same time, as eager as I am to see this year gone and over with, I can not believe I'll be a senior next year. It's crazy how fast time flies. Especially when you're not sure you're ready to grow up.

So let's kick this last month in the butt. We're almost finished, let's finish strong.

writers block

Writers block makes me crazy. Who came up with that term anyway? Ugh.

After writing three blog posts a week for the past eighth months, it's no surprise that I've run out of ideas. Guess what? I think I've finally run out of ideas. After all, I'm writing a post about writers block. How much more lame could I get?

I've heard that a true writer never gets writers block. Whoever said that was just trying to beat the system. It's like a cold. No matter how much medicine you take, you can only ride out the wave of writers block.

Just wait, as soon as school gets out and posts are no longer mandatory, I'll have endless ideas. Because that's just the way life works.

Something Amazing

Life has been pretty crazy lately. I always have something that I NEED to do. Tonight that something was band practice. A necessity because we perform (for the second time!) on Tuesday and have only practiced this set of songs once. As I was trying to get the strum pattern down for God of this City I was looking around our totally awesome band room and thought about how "not me" this was. I  mean, playing in a band in front of people. We've already talked about how I don't do anything in front of people. I prefer to sit at my computer and write about the world while everyone else enjoys it.

I've been doing a lot of crazy things lately, such as training for a half-marathon, joining a band, allowing my room to get cluttered . . . you know, not normal. I just think that maybe the reason I'm doing all or these outside-of-the-box stuff is because I'm trying to do something significant before I graduate high school. I want to be remembered. I want everyone to see my name and be like "Oh yeah, her. She is totally awesome!"

But you know what? All of this trying to be "totally awesome" is totally wearing me out. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely l-o-v-e band, and I couldn't imagine not training, but like my room, it's kind of cluttering up my life. Trying to do everything myself can be too much. That's what prayer is for, right?

I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this. On our way home from band practice my friend and I were talking about our faith, about how God has worked in our lives since we've known each other. Freshman year, she and I were in volleyball together. As the story goes, she asked me why I never said "Oh my god." When I told her it was because I thought it was wrong to take the Lord's name in vain, she continued to ask me why I didn't say "oh my gosh." Apparently I replied that my father simply wouldn't allow it. I don't remember having this conversation, but my friend shared with me that was the reason she stopped saying those phrases. This was before she became a Christian.

In that moment I realized it's not important to be remembered. It's important that God is remembered. We don't have to be something amazing because God is something amazing. Totally awesome, amazing God, and I thank Him that I don't have to be amazing on my own.

Positive Exercise

We all love a good exercise, at least I would hope. You know those exercises that make you feel on top of the world? You could conquer anything! Especially while training, these are the days that keep me going. Every time I overcome another mile, I know that I can do anything I put my mind to.

We have also all had those moments when we felt like we would collapse if we took another step. Everything we do is not good enough. Sometimes I get home from a six mile run and feel like I didn't push myself hard enough; I could always be faster, I could always run more. This is ridiculous. After doing something HEALTHY for your body, after making yourself STRONGER, you still feel like it wasn't enough. Truth is . . . if you pushed yourself to the max every single day all you would be doing is wearing yourself out. I had to learn this the hard way when I began training. I hadn't run for at least a year, and I stepped onto that treadmill the first day of January with the goal to run three miles. Ha. That didn't happen, which just discouraged me. Start small. Build up. Don't push yourself to the max all the time because then you'll just be worn out all the time. Six miles is a lot. I've let myself think that six miles isn't actually that far in so that I'll be able to run ten miles without thinking it's that far. If that makes any sense. I was surprised when talking to one of my friends that he was impressed that I had run six miles. Then I realized that a long run/bike/swim/etc. is anything that is long FOR YOU. 

I kind of let myself go off on a tangent. 

Where was I? Oh yes, it's ridiculous to be unhappy with yourself after you exercise. It's like praying and then regretting it. Don't belittle your accomplishments! You are amazing and strong. I often come home from a long run and find myself looking in the mirror in disgust. This is fat "thinking" and it does not belong in your head. 

I was running with eighth graders today. They're training for a 10K (six miles), which is totally awesome! I did the same program when I was in eighth grade and it taught me not only how to exercise, but how to keep up my endurance and how to be healthy. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Anyway, a couple of the kids were struggling, saying how after the race was over they never wanted to run again. Which is all good and fine. Every man for himself. You have to find exercise that fits you. But how much harder does it make it to continue something you hate if you're constantly telling yourself you hate it? 

In order to counteract this thinking, I pray during my runs. I get out there, find that I don't have the strength to push myself forward, and start praying to God. Before I know it, I've run my mileage for the day and can be proud of my ability and God's ability to work in me. I'm not going to lie to you. Running isn't my favorite thing in the world. But it is something that I'm proud of. 

As I'm writing this I'm thinking about school and how I'm always complaining about how much I hate Chemistry and Algebra II. Endurance isn't just for exercise. You use endurance in everything you do. For instance, sometimes I have writers block and have to "endure" to meet the requirements for my AP Lang class. Sometimes we have to build up our endurance for subjects such as Chemistry. I would just like to take this moment to apologize to those I've complained to this week. From now on I will absolutely "adore" Chemistry. As my sixth grade teacher always said, "Fake it till you feel it." 

To wrap it up: don't get down on yourself because you had a hard day. Don't give up because of a bad test grade or a difficult, painful run. You are more than you know! God can work miracles in you, but you have to believe in yourself and "fake it till you feel it."

Training

I officially have exactly four weeks left of my half-marathon training program. Talk about crazy! I know I've said this before, but if you would have told me six months ago that I would be running ten miles, I would have laughed in your face and then gone to sit down and eat a chocolate bar.

I had a really great run today. After talking three days off (busy, busy, busy!) I was expecting a little big of stiffness and a whole lot of complaining. I feel like I've kind of been slacking off. For instance: on Wednesday instead of running six miles I only ran four. Can you say slacker? In my defense, I had just eaten five too many doughnut holes.

Am I nervous for the race? Definitely. I'm not so much afraid that I won't be able to finish as I am afraid that I won't finish in time. I'm not the fastest runner. My average is ten minute miles. But hey, someone's got to come in last, am I right? Another thing, my parents are both supposed to be out of town that weekend, but I know I can count on my friends to be there By the way, it starts at seven in the morning. Good luck with that!

And It Continues

Last night I had a dream . . . I was looking in the mirror and applying make-up for the first time in weeks. When I looked at the finished reflection I realized that I didn't like the way my mascara looked. I began to scrub it off, but it wouldn't wash off and I began to cry because I realized that I liked myself better natural than "fake."

I believe that everything you dream about has a purpose. I dreamed about make-up because yesterday was the last day of my no make-up challenge. The Beautiful Face Project was a success. The beginning of the week was rough. Many times was asked why I wasn't wearing make-up. A few girls told me that I was brave because they wouldn't have the courage to go without make-up. That kind of made me sad, but even a week before I had thought the same thing.

It isn't really about courage. Natural is beautiful and it has been for thousands of years. We weren't born with the ability to apply make-up; it's something you learn. At the beginning of the week I had to remember to trust God. We are created in His image, and we are beautiful. If we believe the lies that we aren't pretty or good enough without make-up, the newest brand of clothing, etc. then we're telling God that He's wrong. That He isn't enough. Make-up-less, that's the way God created me and He sees me as beautiful. 

1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" (Note: God was talking about Samuel choosing a king to lead His people, but I think it works for everyday beauty too!)

I realize that a week isn't much time to really change your mind about something. At first, I was just doing this for my eighth grade girls. But as I began to see myself for who God sees me as, I saw that I didn't need the make-up to be beautiful. Beauty isn't about your outward appearance, it's about your personality. It's about how you treat your friends. It's about your relationship with God. 2 Corinthians 4:16 says, "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." The most important part of beauty is your heart. If God is in control and is the Lord of our lives, we don't have to worry about being seen as "ugly." 

After three years of wearing make-up, I always feel pretty self conscience when I go without. When I'm in a hurry I usually make sure to at least put on mascara. Towards the end of the week, though, I realized that make-up doesn't make me someone else. I'm still me, with or without it. What everyone else thinks - that doesn't matter, because what matters is your opinion of yourself.

One of my expectations was that I would return to my old habits of applying make-up everyday. After my dream last night I realize this isn't true. I debated upon whether or not to wear make-up today but decided to wear make-up to bring a sort of "closure" to my week. From now on I'm going to have No Make-Up Wednesdays. I think it's good to have one day a week to "be yourself." I just don't want to forget that I am beautiful without it; make-up is not a necessity. 

If  you're reading this and thinking that you could NEVER go without make-up, I'd say you're someone who needs to do it the most. So that I wouldn't be tempted to apply any foundation or anything I woke up ten minutes later every day this week than I normally do. JUST DO IT! Don't think about it because then you'll change your mind. You are strong, and beautiful, and confident. Let The Beautiful Face Project continue. 

Natural Beauty

I woke up on Sunday morning not at all excited to go to church without make-up. I didn't feel pretty. I didn't want to dress up, which if you know me at all you know that dressing up, especially on Sundays, is my thing. I forced myself to put on a skirt, sprayed a little perfume, and walked out the door.

Throughout the day I questioned why I was doing this little project. Why does it matter if I wear make-up? Then again, why does it matter if I don't? If I feel comfortable without make-up on, which I should, because it's NOT NATURAL, then why should I continue to wear it? But I feel lazy without it. Which is another reason to do this. Not applying make-up doesn't mean your lazy. I just have to get that from my head to my heart. Besides, I got an extra fifteen minutes of sleep.

I am proud to say that I made it through my first day with out make-up! My friends are all very supportive of me, even though I'm trying to guilt trip them into joining me for at least one day this week. Honestly, I don't expect to get much out of this week. And I do feel bad about that.

Expectations: I'm trying to take super good care of my skin this week. You know, give my face a breather from foundation and what not. Since I don't normally wear make-up on Saturdays (what's the point if all you do is go to Wal-Mart?) It doesn't feel that crazy for me to go to school without make-up. Of course, I say that now. After this week, I'll probably go back to my habit of applying make-up daily. I don't feel like I wear that much in the first place; just foundation and mascara, and occasionally blush and lipgloss. We'll see what happens!

Currently, it's Monday afternoon. I have successfully gone a full school day without make-up on. This is a first. I felt more independent for some reason. Maybe because I don't feel like I'm giving into what society sees as beautiful? However, I couldn't imagine giving up my make-up indefinetely.

The Beautiful Face Project

I had the most amazing opportunity last night.

I was able to lead a Bible study for eighth grade girls on true beauty.

I don't think I could even begin to describe how nervous I was. I've had sort of a "falling out" with my inner beauty topic, and when I was asked to do this I wasn't sure how it would go. I did a lot of praying and a lot of looking for Bible verses to go along with my topic. I wrote down every little word I was going to say in order to remember all of my points. You might not have noticed, but I am a TON better at writing than I am at public speaking.

This girls were so cool! (YOLO) I've worked with them before in a junior leadership program and I was so amazed at the depth of their faith in God. I was definitely not that confident when I was fourteen. They have such a love for God and for others. I know they're going to be such a light when they go into high school in the fall.

I began with the verse Proverbs 31:30, which says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I wanted to get across that before anything we must have a heart for God in order that our "inner self is being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16). I shared with them the Beauty Redefined catch phrases: "You are capable of much more than being looked at." "There is more to be than eye candy." "If beauty hurts, we're doing it wrong." and "Your reflection does not define your worth."

And then I brought up the term "fat talk." Fat talk is defined as an expected behavior for women to participate in to "earn" compliments, express emotions, seek social reassurance, and excuse eating behaviors (Boyle, Operation Beautiful).

I wasn't sure how they would react to that. I know some people just accept it as normal to fat talk, but these girls were so willing to listen. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

We had great discussions about how society wants us to believe that we aren't beautiful. This is a lie. It not only challenges the Bible, but it makes us question God's Will in our lives. I challenged them to all go a day with out make-up, stop fat talk and hold each other accountable when they do fat talk, and believe that they are beautiful, no matter what.

I wasn't expecting such awesome feedback when they quickly decided that they were going to go a WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK WITHOUT MAKE-UP!!  Beginning on Sunday. I myself have been talking about going without make-up since I began this thing and I haven't had enough courage to do it. So I promised them that I would do it with them. No make-up. Sunday through Saturday. The reason I'm writing about this? Is so that all of you know to hold me accountable. I cannot wait! I'm calling this:

The Beautiful Face Project

Won't you join me in an ENTIRE WEEK of natural beauty? 

Beauty isn't only our reflection in a mirror. It's the essence of who we are. If we decide that we're having a bad day based on our reflection, that isn't beautiful. Visa versa. When we fix our eyes on God's view of beauty, it's so much easier to find beauty within ourselves. 

Note: I kind of got my idea from these women. Aren't they amazing?

Run the Race

"You came to see a race today. To see someone win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe you're dinner's burnt. Maybe you haven't got a job. So who am I to say, "Believe, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, 'Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me.' If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race." -Eric Liddell, Chariots of Fire

Running For Jesus

Hey ya'll! It's been a long time since I've written. Maybe you didn't miss me, but I sure did miss writing. These past two weeks have been pretty hectic. I mean, I THINK I had Spring Break somewhere in there, but it kind of got lost amongst the homework, working, and training.

Speaking of training, have any of you began something on a whim, and later realized that you didn't particularly enjoy pushing yourself to the extreme in that area? Yeah, I enjoy running. But only on a good day. Which hasn't been for a while. To catch you up: Three weeks ago, I ran my first nine miles. Which was amazing. The week after, I ran ten miles. That ended up being just as amazing as nine. It's those midweek runs that kill me. You know, the "shorter," recovery runs that you go out thinking you're going to conquer the world and you come back with sweat pouring down your face along with a tear or two. Either that or you go out dreading a run and come back with endorphins pumping into your blood stream and you feel as if you could do ten things at once. That happens a lot too.

Take Saturday, for instance.

Since I'm taking the ACT next weekend, I wasn't able to run at my regular Saturday run time (eight o'clock). Instead, I took three hours out of my morning to do horrible math equations that I haven't learned yet while I listened to a teacher "dumb-down" the problems in order that we absorb everything we needed to. Back to running. After my ACT prep, my family went out to lunch. I ordered pasta. Before a run. Maybe not the smartest decision on my part. I've been having a lot of ankle pain lately, so we went to an athletics store to look at new tennis shoes for moi. I was hesitant at first because of the price, but I knew that if I was going to finish this thing I needed to not injure myself. So I bought the shoes. Which, I thought, would encourage me to run that afternoon. Until it began raining.

For those of you who have run in the rain, it really is awesome. But it's the getting started that's hard. I have a really hard time motivating myself and all I wanted on Saturday was sunshine and warmth to accompany me. But I forced myself out onto the trail anyway. In my beautiful new running shoes that were getting soaked with mist. I knew that if I was going to keep my mind occupied I needed something to do - other than run, of course. So I began singing songs. But that makes you breathless pretty quickly. Imagine: some crazy blonde, singing to herself at the top of her lungs, running like a maniac in the rain. Funny picture? Pretty much.

Running gives you a lot of time to think. I know a few runners who like to talk to God while they run. Honestly, I've had a pretty hard time connecting with the God-man lately and I knew that if I tried to pray in my head I would get sooo distracted. So I just began talking to him like I would if one of my friends had been running beside me. I recently have had a hard time knowing what to pray for. So as I was talking to Jesus, I just began thanking him for everything. My new running shoes. The rain. The fact that a teacher is willing to sit down with students and help them study for the ACT. My ability to run ten miles. Then I began praying for the people in my life; the ones who encourage me, and those who need the Lord. And I prayed for myself. For my decisions and that I will have integrity to know what He wants me to do. During this time I realized, not only that I've been negligent in my walk with God, but I'm running for the wrong reason, for myself, when who I needed to be running for was God.

Before I knew it, my run was over, but God's presence was with me. And He can "run" with you too if you ask Him.

I'm in a band!

Yep, you read that right. Who would have ever thought that I, Gracie Elizabeth, would ever be in a band, let alone, perform in front of people! Gasp! And this is how it came to be:

A couple weeks after Christmas, one of my friends bought a drumset. We all thought she was crazy to waste her money. (She can't even keep a beat while clapping. I love you, Ayla!) Once she had her drumset, her automatic reaction was to, you guessed it, start a band. She asked me to play guitar. (My guitar is blue, by the way. Don't be jealous!) So it was me and Ayla. Naturally, we had no idea how we were going to pull this off. So we asked one of our friends, a show choir kid, to help us out. She is really amazing. And I'm not just saying that because I know she's reading this. Not only does she sing, but she also plays piano, guitar, base, she learned how to play the ukilele, and she was able to write music for a violin. Did I meantion we also have a violinist? Now what else do we need? Oh right, a pianist. Duh!

There we were. The five of us struggling to play Taylor Swift together. The first song we played was "You Belong With Me" The first time we played it through and stayed on beat the whole time, we just stared at each other in awe. As in, "That's right, guys. We just did that. How cool are we?"

After playing Taylor Swift for two months, you kind of want to shoot yourself. Sorry, Taylor, I still love you! But seriously, it was time for something new. So we migrated to Christian music, and along the way someone got the wacky idea to play in youth group. Ha. As if! But the idea stuck. We had exactly two weeks, and I don't even know how many hours we practiced. It was all we talked about.

This week was it. We were going to do it. We had everything all planned out: the songs we were going to sing/play, who was to do what, we even talked about who was going to pray when we were finished. We arrived at church two hours before youth group was supposed to start and played all the songs through twice.

If you know me at all, then you know I'm not one to stand up in front of a group of people. This took guts for all of us. Something that made it easier was the thought that, since we were in youth group, our peers should be worshipping God and not looking at us. But I was still nervous that I was going to mess up, naturally.

Playing in a worship band is something I think every musician should experience, because it's not for you! It's for God. As Philippians 2:9-11 says, "Therefore, God has highly exalted Jesus and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." This is what I realized after performing. And I can't wait to do it again.

Making Mistakes

I recently made an "oops," let's call it a "big oops." I have asked forgiveness and been forgiven, so for me (and hopefully for the other person) this is in the past. What I did can't be undone, and I do regret it, but it's over now; insults and back-stabbing aren't going to change anything.

It's hard for me to ask forgiveness. Why is it always hard for us humans to say the what-should-be simple words "I'm sorry?" As Christians, the world sees us as people who need to be perfect. Maybe there's a reason for that. After all, we're called to follow Christ's example, who was perfect. But in the grand scheme of things, we're still humans. And obviously, imperfect. Guess what, guys? I make mistakes too!

In Brant's Blog, he writes about a famous guy who recently made a mistake. I don't understand all the details, and it's not necessary to, but because this guy was famous, the whole world is now able to ridicule him, call him names. Guess what, guys? Just because he's famous, doesn't mean he doesn't make mistakes too!

Brant was talking about how the guy now has his entire burden laid before the world. He wrote, "Your breakdown, your fallenness, your foolishness, your weakness, made national news. Ours hasn't, yet. But everyone knows you are no Superman. Everyone knows you are a man who cannot 'hold it all together.' Everyone knows you are not to be placed on a pedestal. Everyone knows you are a man who cannot be trusted to save the world. Everyone knows you've got 'issues.'"

You know what, Brant? I've got issues too. And you're right, it's kind of a relief to let everyone know you're not perfect, even if it undermines your credibility. 1 Corinthians 4:5 says, "Therefore, judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring light to what is hidden in darkness, and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time, each will receive his praise from God."

It isn't our place to judge. I have a hard time remembering this one. So thanks for keeping me accountable!

The thing that most stuck with me from Brant's post was this: "God knows our darkest motives, our worst moments, our private shame, and is yet willing to say, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant,' because of what Jesus has done for us. I simply can't imagine having everything brought into the light, and then hearing 'Well done . . . '"

God forgives. And thankfully, because of Jesus' saving grace, we can too. I'm sorry for what I've done, but I can't change the past. You, however, you can change the future.