On A Diet

Now that school is well underway and friendships are reconvened, I'm hearing more and more fat talk. It's easy to get together with your girlfriends and say "oh, you know, I should really cut back on my calories," or something like that. Maybe that's true. Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that second, third, sixth cookie last night while reading boring AP Econ notes, but that was one day out of 365. It doesn't make you automatically "fat."

Speaking of which, whether you're bigger or not is completely besides the point. What the scale says DOES NOT MATTER! How else can I get this through your thick skull? For real. If you feel comfortable with yourself, if you're eating a healthy and balanced diet, and if you're exercising regularly that's all anyone can ever ask of you, and that's all you should ask of yourself.

It's unhealthy to skip meals. In the long run yes, you'll probably lose some weight. But that is so unhealthy. And isn't that the opposite of what you're trying to do? Skipping meals slows down your metabolism. And if you're like me, and you have zero self control when it comes to food, you'll probably just end up pigging out on a bag of candy corn later that night while reading Lord of the Flies.

So, have I convinced you to drop the "I'm on a diet" speech? Because I'm not going to listen to you whine about how you've consumed too many calories in the past few days.

On a side note: I know that counting calories works for some people. If you know how many calories you need to consume in a day to stay at a consistent body weight or whatnot - go for it. Count all you want. Just don't live your life by it. I know if I were to count calories I'd drive myself insane.

To begin our "healthy journey" out of the land of calories, diets, etc. I start by grabbing some fruit in the mornings. I've gotten into a wonderful habit of eating frozen berries, yogurt, and raw oatmeal, which fills me up just enough and is super good for me. When I get the munchies during school, I grab an apple to tide me over until lunch - great way to get in another fruit/vegetable.

Like a lot of schools around the country, we've morphed into eating only what's good for us (sarcasm). The only upside I see to this is it's easy for me to eat two more produce items with my lunch, which puts me up to four! And it isn't even one o'clock yet. See what I'm doing here?

Plan your meals around fruit and vegetables, add on some whole grains, and never forget to eat a little protein (it helps keep you feeling full longer).

Got it? Produce. Whole grains. Less meat, but enough protein. Lots of water.

Oh, and NO MORE DIETS!

Feminism at the grocery store.

Pet peeve: when women give up and let a man take care of things.

I told myself that I wouldn't post anything about my job, but we all know that plan wouldn't pan out, now didn't we? I work at a grocery store. I courtesy around, picking up odds and ends, making everything look pretty, and bagging your food for you to gorge yourself on later.

Being my first job, I can't say that it's a particularly appealing profession in the long run. To those who do go into the grocer-ing business, I applaud you. I've heard you people can end up making a lot of money and work your way up sky high. I wish you the best of luck, but it will never be for me. When I walk into work I always try to remind myself how lucky I am to have a job. Not only because of the crappy economy, but also because a few decades ago it would have been seen as "unfeminine" for me to be working. Or something like that.

Which brings me to my next point. Women have come a long way in the past century. We've won the right to vote, we can run for government positions, we are able to work our way up in life without depending on others to provide for us. Basically, we are freaking rock stars. So why is it that some women feel the need to put themselves back into that box of dependency?

Part of my job is bringing in shopping carts after they're discarded in the parking lot. Yes, at times it is physically taxing. But it's not all that bad. It's a beautiful day! It's a chance to get away from customers! (Seriously though, love you guys.) It's an opportunity to move around instead of waiting for something to happen. (That's not quite true. For heaven sakes, I work at a grocery store. Busy, busy, busy!)

Today, however, a woman was stepping into her car when she saw me struggling to get a couple carts unstuck. Before taking off she said, "They shouldn't make the girls do that. Bring the boys out here."

Well goodness me, I wasn't aware that I was incapable of manual labor!

But for real, why? Why do you want to go back to a way of life that puts women at the bottom of the food chain? I enjoy opportunities just as much as the next guy.

In her defense she isn't the first one to say something like that to me. I was once vacuuming the entryways when a man came in and told me that I was going to make a wonderful housewife. If I hadn't begun the whirling of the vacuum again I'm sure I would have said somethings to that man that would certainly have come back to bite me later. It isn't his fault he's stuck in the fifties.

I just don't understand. Don't say you want equality and then sit back and let some man carry the load when you know you can do the job a whole lot better. Get out there and bring in your own carts.

Under Attack

It's time for a little bit of honestly. There's a reason I haven't posted for a while. Senior year has begun, and I'm ready for it to be totally awesome. So far nothing exciting has happened. Last year I felt like I really sort of discovered who I am. That may sound totally cliche, but I really got involved in the things that I'm most passionate about. I had found a totally great relationship with God, and I was able to share Him with the people around me. I also did a lot of research on "body hate," and realized that we have a choice in the way we preceive ourselves. And I got into running. Which was totally awesome, and I had the best time of my life crossing those finish lines.

And then the finish lines were behind me, AP Lang blogging was over, I had let my relationship with God fall apart, and I just felt a little stranded. I'm not sure how else to explain it. Even though nothing major happened, my perspective shifted and everything I new to be concrete shifted with it.

This song has been playing on the radio a lot lately. I haven't got it all figured out yet, and I never will, but this song always reminds me that God will always love us. No matter what we do, no matter who we were before or who we are now, we can always come back to Him.

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, now things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

I'm still having a hard time at it. I don't know why God feels so far away right now. But I know that He still loves me. And He loves you too! We just have to trust Him. He's not promising that everything is going to turn out all right, but He is promising to always be there for us.

Say Cheese!

For those of us who have been or are seniors, we all know the stressful-ness of getting everything done that ought to have been done months ago. I am just beginning to experience this type of procrastination. Yep, that's right, senior pictures! I just got them taken, like today, just. And I would like to say one thing - there is wayyy too much pressure put on the "perfect" senior photos.

All week I have totally been freaking out about my appearance. Every little detail that I found a nuisance has been blown out of proportion into a full fledged "ugly". Starting with my hair. Everyone has good and bad hair days, and I am learning to enjoy my natural hair style. There's only one problem. Once it dries, that's the way it's going to look for the day, good or bad. And with all this nice weather we're having, my hair has been drying pretty flat. Which has been stressing me out all week long! I wake up, look in the mirror, and complain, complain, complain about my hair. I probably asked my mother a thousand times what I should do if it turns out bad.

That's just one of the many things I've been fat talking myself about this week. My teeth are crooked. My eyes are too close together. I'm too pale, for heaven sakes it's summer! And goodness, gracious, I have no idea how to pose for a picture. No modeling in my future. That's a joke. I'm too short, and not skinny enough, and it goes on and on and on.

But then this morning came, and I woke up two hours early. Went through all the steps to ready myself in the morning. Voila! Fret about outfits some more. Look at myself in the mirror twelve hundred times. Check to make sure my makeup wasn't smudged. All the worrying comes down to a couple hours of harmless photography.

To wrap this all up, the right photographer can make you forget all your worries. Once we started snapping pictures, I was no longer thinking about if they were going to turn out alright. Besides, these pictures aren't for the "today". They're to remember the yesterday ten/twenty years from now. And I hope that when I look back I won't think, "Man, look how crazy my hair was!" but I'll be remembering how happy and special my teenage years were.

So if you're in the midst of a modeling session just remember: You are so beautiful! No hairstyle, number on the scale, makeup smudge, or pant size can change that.

Good Ol' Iowa State Fair

Let me begin by saying this: I am in no way, nor will I ever be a country girl. The Fair is a new world to my city-bred eyes. I had no idea cows were so big! And I made sure to cover my nose and mouth when we passed the pigs - you know, swine flu outbreaks and all. But really, I had a great time at the Fair. Apparently I've been there before? I can't remember anything but a giant pig that I was sure would swallow me whole had he the chance.

When you go to the Iowa State Fair, three fourths the experience is in the food. For real. Throwing caution to the wind, I leapt upon the chance to try greasy, deep fried dishes that are sure to stop your heart. If you ever get the chance to try fried macaroni and cheese go for it! No hesitation. Best decision I have ever made. Seriously good. That, and a German Chocolate funnel cake consisted of my dinner. I don't normally like funnel cakes, but my friend and I inhaled the entire thing in five minutes flat. Because if you're going to put cake in a funnel you might as well make it German Chocolate.

Now let me get to the real reason why, of all people, I ended up at the Fair. Concert. Yep. My first official, tickets-with-seating-on-them concert. And yes, it was Toby Mac. For those of you who live in a hole, Toby Mac is a Christian rapper artist who is totally awesome.

The other two bands that played were Jamie Grace, who is a fairly new artist, and Tenth Avenue North. You may know Jamie Grace's song Hold Me: 

She's pretty awesome too. When she was up on stage she was talking about getting some bad feedback for having love songs on her CD. Her response? Why shouldn't a twenty one year old, Christian girl write love songs? Why do they have to be about anyone other than God, who will always remain her first love? So awesome!

And then Tenth Avenue North took the stage and I went berserk. I love them so much! Their stories that they told while on stage stuck out to me the most. The lead singer talked about how you can't define yourself by your accomplishments. They weren't their songs or their talents, but God's People. Jesus' Children who He died for. Secular performers worship themselves while on stage. These guys - they were totally and completely giving their all for God. 

Sitting in the middle of the fairgrounds I was able to find God. In the midst of all the chaos of the world, I was able to worship God. It was so amazing. The whole time I was sitting there so thankful to have the opportunity to believe in the God who created me. We have the freedom to worship, and that is truly awesome. 

Beautiful Things

When I was around six years old, I asked my mother about sin. I wanted to make sure I was going to make it to heaven. Not to meantion, I was feeling a little guilty that day for making my sister cry. I had asked God over and over again, "Please forgive my sin" afraid that he couldn't hear me or that I was being insincere. When my mother told me that we had to ask God to forgive our specific sin I quickly got to work, sitting on the back porch stairs, naming off every misdemeanour I could remember, always worried that I had forgotten something.

We all worry about sin. For those of you who don't believe in God, why do you feel guilty when you do something wrong? A lot of the time when I invite a friend to church the immediate response is that God will strike them with lightening for stepping into His House because they know they aren't right with God. You were created with a desire to know Christ. Whether you want to or not, you feel guilty for your sins. That's called the Holy Spirit, people. Like our God-given conscious. It's a thing.

You can't get right with God until you believe He can forgive you of your sins. Until you mean all the "I'm sorry's" and the "I won't do it again's," He's waiting to forgive you. He's waiting for you to love Him. Because trust me, He already loves you.

John 10:10 says, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

Jesus died to give you life. Eternal life. "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" (Romans 3:23) but God sent His Son, Jesus, to die on a cross, one of the most gruesome and humble deaths; He took your sins, before you were created, and took them upon Himself, so that you may be forgiven.

If you ask.

Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

The other day I was sitting in service listening to a missionary speak. He lives in Haiti with his family. He talked about how Haitians are pained at being known as one of the poorest countries in the world. Mass graves, now overgrown with wild grass, hold the bodies of the victims of the earthquake. Entire villages are living out of tents around the rubble. Yet, out of all the destruction and hurt, brokenness creates healing and beauty.

Brokenness creates healing and beauty. I love that.

Jesus wants you to come to Him just as you are. Brokenness and all. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Accept.
Believe.
Confess.

Revelations 3:20 says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in."

You have to make the choice. Jesus is waiting. And He loves you.

Disconnect.

First order of business, happy August everyone!

Second, I am happy to assure you that I did not fall off the face of the earth. As silly as it may seem, I've been kind of off in my own little world. I have been entirely unmotivated to do anything, and in doing so have wasted some of the precious weeks left of summer. No more! This is me, motivation and all, writing to you about my life. Aren't you lucky?

You may remember my babbling last year about my infamous Camp Table Rock? Back to the archives we go. Let me remind you: Fun in the Son: Year Four, Back to Missouri, Knowing Your Faith, Proving the Truth, Seeing the Face of God, Go Light The World. Because camp has a certain repetitive aspect to it, I won't bore you with the exciting details of my adventure this year. But I will say this, my fifth year as a camper at Fun in the Son has been just as great as the last four. The seminars this year were over Evangelism. This is the second year I have heard this seminar, but I learned as much this year as I did the previous.

At the beginning of the week we filled out a witnessing questionnaire. The gist of it is this: we were all created with a desire to know about Christ, God will not be disappointed if we give our all in presenting the Gospel, we are successful witnesses even when the other person does not accept Christ, people do care what God has done in your life, and it is our responsibility to share God with those around us and make sure that those lead to Christ are discipled in their walk with God.

One of the verses that really stuck out to me this year is Acts 26:17-18, which says, "I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in Me." Last year I really got into the evangelism kick, especially when it came to my classmates; however, now that I look back I'm not sure I was doing it for the right reasons. It is our responsibility as Christians to share God's Word with those around us, despite the consequences. James 1:22 says, "Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." The Bible says to share God's love and message with is people. James 4:17, "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." You know what you have to do. Go change the world for Christ.

Motivation.

You know how I was so incredibly exited about my summer to-do list? Yeah, I regret that.

Crash and burn, my friend.

I have a tendency to get so involved in an activity without thinking it through all the way. This turned out all right for my first half-marathon, but I'm just not feeling the motivation that I should right now.

Let's start with my list. What I have accomplished: I have read wayy over the amount of fiction books I wanted to get through this summer. Currently I'm re-reading Gone With the Wind. Good choice! But that's about the only thing I've accomplished this summer. Bummer. 

That's not entirely true. I did start volleyball practice again! I'm always really nervous and stressed out at the beginning of the season, but after a week or two I remember how much I love to play. It's crazy how easy it is to forget my love of volleyball. Which leads me to my next point. With all this volleyball-in' I haven't exactly had the energy to run. Not to mention it's 100 degrees every day of the week. Stupid heat wave! So I've been feeling pretty out of the loop lately. The furthest I've run since my half was five miles, and that was about a month ago. So, I think it's time to rethink my priorities. 

After I ran my 10k and half-marathon I was so pumped up and ready for the next race. This surprised even me because, like I said before, I didn't think of myself as someone who would live from race to race. Turns out, I was right. I need some down time. I've known this for quite a while now, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I feel like I'm always failing, and as running is the one thing I thought I might be decent at, it's put me in a depressed mood. Sometimes you just have to realize enough is enough. I run because I like to be active and healthy. Now that I'm playing volleyball again, I feel like I'm going into double time. Especially with the heat, I'm just plain worn out. So, maybe I'll sign up for a 10k or maybe even a 5k. I just need to take my runs a little easier than I intended. 

Something that drives me crazy about running: I feel like every time I take a few weeks off I have to start over from scratch again. It's sooo disappointing! On the up side, you always have something to work towards. I still love to run, and plan on running for as long as my body allows me.

Oh, and about my hundred page narrative that I was writing, that hasn't happened either. 

How has your summer turned out differently than planned?

Good Old Vitamin D

My mother watched me through the glass of the mirror as I was applying aloe vera to my lobster-esque skin. As mother's everywhere do when they see their daughters scrutinize their reflections she told me I looked beautiful. "I hate that I see it this way, but I find tan skin so beautiful," she commented. I looked up at my bronzed face and attomatically thought, "If beauty hurts, we're doing it wrong."

A hundred years ago tan skin was a sign of bad breeding. If you were tan that meant you worked in the sun, which implied that your family was poor. Hats, gloves, and parasols covered the ladies and shield them from being considered lower class citizens. Fair skin was beautiful. What happened?

From what I have gathered, it was the 1920 when Coco Chanel, a French designer, arrived home from a yacht party with a deep suntan. Being famous, she of course set the new trend of "tan." Bikinies arrived in the fifties along with self-tanning products of bronzer and brown creames. Of course, with short summer months, the tan didn't last longer than days of sunshine. Well somewhere along the line the brilliant idea of tanning salons began. In the eighties the world saw the first tanning beds which have only grown up until now. And this, my dear friends, is the new idea of beautiful.

It's true that sunshine makes you happy like chocolate. But did you know that it only takes your skin fifteen minutes each day in the sun to soak up all the vitamin D you need? I like to look tan as much as the next person, but over the years I have realized that is nearly impossible with my complexion. So why expose myself to unnecessary risks?

We all know that too much exposure to tanning lamps or even from the sun itself can cause skin cancer. The ultraviolet radiation causes skin cell damage that can lead to abnormal cell reproduction. I'm not a science person so I don't understand it all, all I know is that it's dangerous. UV rays are a killer and we're willingly letting them hurt us for something our culture sees as beautiful.

If you do, however, escape the skin cancer epidemic, too much exposure to radiation can lead to premature skin aging such as wrinkles and brown spots. And no. A quick fix with Botox should not be an option!

So it's your choice. Weigh the risks. I love being outdoors during the summertime, because it's the only time that the sun really warms your skin. But seriously, sun screen can be a lifesaver. Literally. What's the point of being tan anyway? Does it really make you more beautiful? Because the right guy will be able to see your beauty, tan or not.

All I'm saying is you're not going to see me at a tanning salon anytime soon.

What Happens Here

After reminiscing for far too long I find myself to be in the company of family. We traveled an hour and a half down the road to say hello to my cousins - four boys who are entierly their own persons. What happens here, stays here.

Tomorrow we come home. After being gone for vacation for a month last year I had the misconception that two and a half weeks would be far too short a trip. Like I said, misconception. I am homesick. Terribly so. I can't wait to hang out on our grimy city beach lake with my friends. The ocean has no chance to better itself without companions to fill the mindless hours of sunshine. Enough mushy, heartfelt chatter.

It also doesn't help that I haven't had the chance to run during our vacation like I hoped to. I've been having trouble with my knee, so I decided to take the first week of vacation easy anyway. I stuck it out on the elyptical, which is always easier to focus on when you have a TV in front of you, and managed to get in a few hours of exercize over the first week of relaxation. It just went downhill from there. Our condo on the beach had a fee for using their gym. I find this to be totally ridiculous. did we not pay for a room? Give us someplace to exercize! Especially with all the fatty vacation food that everyone inhails. Although, a plus side to a condo is that we ate most of our meals in our room; therefore, we ate healthier than if we had been staying in a hotel. That doesn't include dessert, though!

I did finally get a treadmill before we arrived in Missouri. I ran two and a half miles before feeling like I was going to puke. Which was expected because we had just indulged in a regular cheesy, spicy, Mexican fiesta. Case in point, I'm ready to get home and run my little heart out. Wish me luck since I'm supposed to be in training again and expected to run seven miles Saturday. This might be a bad decision.

I hope your intentions to keep up a healthy lifestyle while vacationing turn out better than mine did. All well. I'm so close to home I can taste it!

Water Tower

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray . . . "

I remember singing that over and over again while sitting on our porch swing overlooking the busy street. Probably the only busy street in the town. Behind us sits our parsonage, owned by the church that is just paces away from our front door. Of course, no one ever uses the front door because we're all so budddy-buddy with each other. No. The back door was more suiting. You'd walk into the kitchen and be greeted with the ever present smell of chocolate chip cookies.

I remember the storms more than anything - which I know is a funny thing to remember. A tornado would strike up in the middle of a board meeting or a small group gathering down at the church. Before we knew it everyone would be sloshing through the rain and into our basement. Once before a storm we had had a luau with a whole pig and everything. We were lucky enough to have left overs, and once we got the all clear shuffled out of the basement to heat up some pork. As we filed onto the porch after the storm, we'd watch the hail hit the wet grass; as the clouds began to part a rainbow would shine onto our little part of heaven.


Tonight I travel down memory lane for the reason that there is no other choice. We have made a stop in our old little town in Missouri to visit friends both forgotten and remembered. A lot has changed. The old parsonage has long been torn down. The only thing left is a single tree, planted when I was born. Still a sapling when we moved to bigger and better things, it's unrecognizable now. Standing forever strong.

I just finished reading a book entitled Dead End in Norvelt by Jack Gantos. The plot took place in a small, dying town where an old woman was waiting to write the Original Norvelters obituaries before she herself passed on. One of the younger women in the town kept scheeming, trying to get others go join her in keeping the town alive. No matter what anyone said her opinion of her home could not be swayed. It was forever a part of who she was. It defined her existence.


In a way I think everyone has ties to their hometown. The place they were born holds a special place in their hearts, whether they want it to or not, because it reminds them of the carefree days of childhood. I don't remember anything but happiness when I lived in Missouri.


Growing up in Missouri our house sat right next to the town water tower. I used to think every house owned a water tower, and I always referred to it when I wanted to come home. We would walk over to the water tower and look up, getting dizzy as the clouds shifted around the monument. It was surrounded by sand which I always wanted to walk barefoot on just like the movies. My mother thought it was dangerous back there. She couldn't see us because of the thick grass that grew up around the fence. Broken glass bottles surrounded our little piece of land. It was beautiful because it represented home.

Maybe I'm just sentimental.

I need a good dose of reality.

Sand, Sun, Ocean Lyfe

It's our last day in Florida, and another red flag day at that. The waves on the beach today were even bigger than yesterday. We spread out our towels and my family hit the water while I read a book like a nerd. I was minding my own business when I feel water creeping into my little corner of the world. That's right. The waves had blasted themselves over the ridge of sand and into human territory. How rude! I quickly sprung into action as I tried to save all of our towels and food from the surf, but to no avail. Crazy water ocean water!

After five days on the beach I am sick and tired of the sand, sunscreen, and the sun itself. I hate to say it, but I'm ready to move on. As much as I love the ocean, enough is enough - expecially when you're sunburnt like a boiled lobster. Okay, maybe not that bad, but I'd say in the catagory of a ripe tomato. I tried, okay? Sometimes all the sunscreen in the world can't protect you from the salt water licking away the semi-protective sunscreen, no matter how many times you re-apply.

After a morning of melting away, we cleaned ourselves off, got rid of the dry seaweed smell, and had a glorious lunch at Bubba Gump's. I hate to say it, but I've never seen Forrest Gump. Tragic, I know. But it can't beat Gone With the Wind. We've wasted the afternoon away with a little shopping and a little dessert. Have you ever tried chocolate dipped key lime pie? It's delicious.

Tomorrow we have an eight hour drive to whoknowswhere. After that we have another seven hour drive before reaching our destination in Missouri, where we'll be visiting friends from another time. Ahh memories.

Quote of the day: "Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was going somewhere I was running." -Forrest Gump

Seaweed

Our first full day in Destin was quite an adventure. The sand and ocean itself are different from Panama City Beach. The sand is soft and fine - remember when you were a child and you used to run your hand through the flour? That's what it feels like. The ocean is more green than blue; there's a lot of seaweed, unlike the last beach where there wasn't any seaweed at all. Funny how forty five minutes makes such a difference.

I really think seaweed is a curse on humanity. It smells terrible. I waded into the ocean and it felt like running hair through my fingers. It wraps around your legs like an octopus. Take your choice: a beautiful ocean, or a perfect beach.

After laying out all morning and afternoon, I must say I am officially sunburnt. Yuck! We relaxed the rest of the afternoon before heading out to village wharf. We walked about two miles before coming across shops and restaurants. It's a beautiful little village within the condo community we're staying at, and once the sun had set fireworks sprang from the darkness. Dropless of light shattered the night sky over the ocean. A perfect ending.

Today has been much the same; although, I've tried to stay out of the sun as much as possible. You know, sunburn. The waves, however, were not the same at all. We walked up to the beach to see a red flag, which is the universal sign for danger. We were to use "extreme caution" while out in the deep. I didn't venture out until the last hour of our afternoon when I was tossed by the waves and given a headache. The "nicer" waves are simple, green rolling water that picks you up and gently sets you back down again. All of the waves today were foamy and strong. I was knocked off my feet. You had to time your jump just right, and get the correct angle otherwise ending with a faceplant to the water. I had enough after about twenty minutes and returned to my quiet chair underneath my protective umbrella.

Quote of the day: "All rivers, even the most dazzling, those that catch the sun in their course, all rivers go down to the ocean and drown. And life awaits man as the sea awaits the river." -Simone Schwarz-Bart

Lazy Days Ahead

Like I said before, we are finally at the beach part of our vacation! Sitting in the sun all afternoon, eating food all evening, sleeping all morning;  you get the drill. The days run together at the beach. The sound of the ocean lulls you into deep unexpected sleep. My favorite part of the ocean is how it fades from blue to blue - ocean to sky.

The waves yesterday were calm, but today they picked up a lot. My sister and I call it wave jumping. You know, when you go out as far as you can and jump before the wave crashes onto you. For a moment, it feels like you're suspended in the air, in time and space, before coming back down to the sandy bottom. I'm not a good swimmer, but swimming in the ocean gives some sort of a thrill.

I am proud to say, I am not sunburnt! Although the rest of my family is. Sunscreen is important, folks. For real, you don't want skin cancer. I love sitting on the sand with a good book. How many times can I say it? The beach is so relaxing!

Tomorrow we leave for Destin where we will stay for four days before heading to Missouri to visit family and friends. It's impossible that we've already been gone a week. Beach time on my mind.

Stone Mountain

Sounds pretty intimidating, right? Our last day in Atlanta was spent at Stone Mountain, which is a state park outside of Atlanta. Stone Mountain, apparently a big deal in Georgia, is a lot like Mount Rushmore, except not as well known. I mean, I had never heard of it before. The actual mountain has a carving of three Civl War generals with their horses. The first thing on our agenda was to climb the mountain! Sounds like quite a feat, but in reality, it's only a 1.2 mile hike. Of course, once you add in the absurdly steep slope, you're pretty wiped out by the time you get to the top. There were some parts of the mountain that I was walking parallel with the ground in an effort not to fall. All in all, a good experience. The view at the top was extravagant.

After the hike, we cooled off before grabbing some lunch, which I hardly remember eating we were so hungry. We watched a few shows before hitting the SkyHike; yes, that's as frightening as it sounds. They strap you in like they would when you rock climb and you're lead to level one, two, or three. We went to level two, because I decided that level one was for whimps, and well, level three is for the brave. Big mistake. You get up there, and it's 24 feet, mind you, and you totally freeze. At least, I did. When you're that high up, trying to walk a tightrope, it's hard to remember that it's impossible to fall. They strapped you in goood! But that doesn't take away the fear. I can't even explain it, but I will never, ever do it again.

After the unpleasant situation of feeling like we were falling to our deaths, we visited a plantation house. Safe. Unless of course you were a slave. Good thing that ended over 100 years ago. This was the third(?) plantation house I've seen, each one more majestic than the last. Built between 1792 to 1875, this Antebellum Plantation was moved and restored at Stono in 1961. It's surrounded by two slave cabins, a doctors cabin, two other houses, and several farm buildings. The doctors cabin was the most interesting house as it served as a field hospital to Confederate soldiers during the Battle of Atlanta. Call me morbid, but I thought it was cool to think that Civil War soldiers bled in the building we were standing in.

The last adventure of the day was watching a light show over the Stone Mountain carving. I don't know about you, but I had never seen a light show before. In all it's grandeur, I found it to be a little boring. That and I had been walking around for ten hours. All I wanted was to sleep. My favorite part was the country music they played, such as "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Georgia On My Mind." I'll have those songs stuck in my head for weeks!

Currently, I'm sitting in a condo right off of Panama City Beach. It was raining when we arrived, but it seemed to have cleared off now. I hope that we get to walk the beach tonight. I've never met anyone who didn't completely adore the ocean.

World of Coke

"Elias Burns sang out, 'The rebel bullet is not yet made that is to kill me.' At that, he jumped up and fell down the same instant with a bullet in his brain. He fell across my lap, and his brains and blood ran into my havversack, spoiling my rations. So I took his." -Private Robert Strong

This quote by an Illinois private during the war gives us a peek at the horror and inhumanity of the battlefield. We began our day at the Museum of Atlanta, which of course consisted mostly of Civil War artifacts. The most remembered part of the morning was seeing two southern farm houses. We took a guided tour of the Smith Family farm, which consisted of not only a farm house, but a slave house, the kitchen, and the smoke house. Unlike a plantation, the Smith farm was a family farm operated by the master and thirteen slaves. The house itself was built by the Robert Smith family in the 1840s and was located outside of Atlanta.

The next house we saw was the Swan House. A post-Civil War plantation house, the Swan House resembled a Victorian castle. The stone frame combined the wonder of history with the enchantment of a fairytale unwritten. Much to my regret, we were unable to take a tour of this house; nevertheless, I fell in love.

"The Civil War is, for the American imagination, the great single event of our history . . . We became a nation only with the Civil War." Robert Penn Warren, Southern writer.

After a long morning of historical research, we moved on to World of Coke! We learned the history of the secret coca-cola recepie from 1886, but of course never the secret itself. Written by Dr. John Pemberton, the local pharmacist of Atlanta invented the favored beverage of people around the world. As they say at Coca-Cola, "I'd like to buy the world a coke."

This is what lead me to fall off the bandwagon. It has been over two years since I had a sip of soda, but the sweet smell of fountain drinks wasn't lost upon me as I entered the "tasting room." Sixty different flavors of coke from five different continents. When I walked into the room I was determined not to let it break me. But then my mother - and yes, I blame this fiasco on her - said I absolutely had to try the German soda because of my good friends with a German foreign exchange student this year. So I did. And this lead to my moral demise as a human being. I tasted them all, and ended up with a stomach ache because of it. I regret nothing. My absolute favorite beverage was a pinneaple flavored drink from Greece. Yum!

Besides, one drink isn't going to kill you, right?

Three Museums and A Cemetary

I feel like I've conquered the whole city of Atlanta today; we have seen that much! It has been an exhausting, yet fulfilling day with a visit to three museums and a cemetary. Here's the details:

Margaret Mitchell House
Our first stop was the Margaret Mitchell Museum and House. You know, the crazy woman who wrote the "Greatest American Novel" Gone With the Wind, better known to her fans as GWTW. Born in 1900, Margaret, better known as Peggy lived during the glorious twenties. It is said that her novel paralleled the Great Depression in the rise and fall of Southern gentry. When she was fourteen Peggy said, "I want to be famous in some way - a speaker, artist, writer, soldier, fighter, stateswoman, or anything nearly."

She got her wish in 1936, when after a long journey and a lot of hard work her first and only book was published, a smashing success. Peggy began writing after she was crippled in bed with arthritis and a broken ankle that refused to heal. Her husband, John Marsh could find no other books on the Civil War, published or not, and in desparation suggested that his wife begin her own account of life during the Reconstruction. John and Peggy worked on her novel for around ten years before it was given to an editor who set up a contract immediately. Many speculate that Gone With the Wind is a nonfiction account of Peggy's life despite the many details and the denial by Peggy, who always said it was purely fiction.

Not long after the book was published, it was picked up by a film director David O. Selznick with a vision to make it the most popular film of all time. Putting together the perfect cast with Vivian Leigh, Clark Gabel, Evelyn Keyes, and Barbara O'Neil, the movie that premiered in Atlanta was a hit, making it the biggest movie to premiere ever.

Walking through the streets of Atlanta, I forget that the characters from Margaret Mitchells famous novel are fictional, because in the heart of the city they come alive. Scarlet, Rhett, Melanie, and Ashley live in the hearts of Americans as a reminder of what was and is to come. It is said that Scarlet's story is the same as Atlanta's: the rise and fall and remembering the glory days.

"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again." -Katie Scarlet O'Hara

Margaret Mitchell died in 1949, when she was hit by a cab driver on her way to the theatre. She was buried on her family plot in Oakland Cemetary beside her loving husband, her tombstone ever a reminder of the brave woman who took on the "Greatest American Novel" Gone With the Wind.

Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial
"Don't allow anybody to make you feel that you're nobody, Always feel that you count. Always feel that you have worth, and always feel that your life has ultimate significance." These are the famous words of Martin Luther King Jr. as he spoke to thousands of African Americans about freedom and justice. Suffering was not an option, violence was not an option, but determination and boycotting was. This was how Martin Luther fought, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

The Martin Luther memorial is incredible. An entire fountain surrounds his cement encased casket. Words of live written on his tombstone buried beside his loving and supportive wife.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.'" -Martin Luther King Jr.

Civil War Cyclorama
Have you ever heard of the word "cyclorama" before? Neither had I. It was incredible. Oil painted over a hundred years ago, this diagram of the Battle of Atlanta is as big as a football field. We were completely surrounded by the painting, sitting in rotating seats to see the entire thing. I can't even describe it, but if you come to Atlanta, you have to go there.

Oakland Cemetary
As we walked into the Oakland Cemetary I came across a pure white flower. Beautiful. Perfect. I picked it up and twirled it in my hand as we walked around the tombstones, some dating back to the 1850s. Worn writing etched into the stones of loved ones long forgotten. For a cemetary, it's a magical place of history and fortune.

As we walked along, making up stories for the old Civil War veterans we came across the Mitchell Family Plot. Buried with her parents and her husband, her tombstone reads "author of the famous novel 'Gone With the Wind.'" Coins and rocks had been placed upon her burial place in rememberance and honor of the woman who remembered the "old south." As I stood above her tombstone, I bent down and placed the wilting flower on her grave, the least I could do for a woman who so inspired me as a feminist, reporter, and most importantly, a novelist.

Georgia on my mind.

We have safely made it to Atlanta, Georgia! Fantastic, I know. I'm relieved, especially after spending fourteen plus hours in the car over the past two days. The driving today was kind of crazy. It rained on again/off again the entire way here, and the traffic was horrendous. But we made it safely despite the annoyances.

Don't you love when you step off of a plane, or in my case the Silver Surfer, and you can just feel the difference in the air. The different atmosphere and hubbub of your surroundings filling all your senses. I love it!

We got to the hotel around five and relaxed for about an hour before heading off to the mall. We filled our stomachs with delicious mall-food and did some shopping, more to get up and walk around than to actually buy anything. I can't believe our second day away is over and we still haven't done anything vacation-y. That's what happens when you drive. Although, I do like seeing all the cities. We drove through St. Louis yesterday and Nashville today. From what I saw out my window, I would love to visit someday!

Now something that is causing some stress for me during our time away is I'm currently training for another half marathon right now, which means running four times a week. I'm beginning to realize this is an impossible feat while on vacation. Treadmills are great, but seven miles on a treadmill will kill your knees and might make you go a little crazy. So I'm going to do what I can, and try not to worry about it. But two and a half weeks is such a long time . . .

Can't wait to begin sightseeing tomorrow! Georgia on my mind.

Adventure Time!

On this day of the 10th June 2012, we leave for Illinois where we will be staying one night before we reach Atlanta, Georgia. I'm out of practice for traveling seven plus hours in a car. Longest car ride ever. Seriously. It's ten o'clock at night and we have finally reached our hotel. Thank God because if I spent another minute in that crowded vehicle I think I would have gone insane; not to meantion, I had to pee.

It's going to feel strange traveling for two and a half weeks instead of four. We're driving down to Atlanta where we'll be staying for four nights. This part of the vacation was planned by yours truly - something that I am very proud of. I hate planning! I've always wanted to visit this part of the country because it's where Margaret Mitchell grew up, and for those of you who lived sheltered lives, she wrote Gone With the Wind, known to fanatics as GWTW. We will also visit a Civil War museum, because I'm obsessed with everything to do with the Civil War, and visit a Martin Luther King Jr. memorial, along with other things of less importance.

After discovering the wonders of history, we will be relaxing on the beach beneath the gorgeous Florida sun. If you haven't noticed, we're kind of addicted to the ocean. On our way back home we will be stopping at an old friends house before visiting my counsins. Then back to life as it's always been. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Don't stop reading . . . or being jealous of my fantastic travels!

Summer To-Do List

Hey guys! It's been awhile, I know. I guess I needed some time off from blogging. But I'm back now. No worries!

Okay, so maybe it's just me, but once summer gets going I get lazy. Obviously, it's summer for goodness sake! After a while, though, the laziness starts to make me feel sick. Too much sitting around, watching the clouds blow past. After a few days of sitting, I get really antsy, and I'm sure my family can attest to this, I get in a horrible mood. And so, I have created a to-do list. Just a little something to keep my mind and body active so I don't go entirely crazy.

• Get in touch with God - I've been feeling a little out of tune with my faith. After a years worth of public school, the swearing and abused morals wear on my nerves. I hope to use this summer to revitalize what I've lost.
• Sign up for my second ever half marathon! I'm super excited about this one. Like I said before, totally addicted to the feeling of crossing that finish line. It's my drug. 
• Write a hundred pages of a narrative. Don't laugh, but this one I attempt every summer. I'm just so spastic with my writing. As I'm sure you've all noticed. I can write a while story in my head but I can never seem to articulate it onto paper. Maybe this will be my lucky year summer.
• Read at least ten fiction books. With this whole AP Lang class allowing me to only read nonfiction, I am totally fiction deprived. Completely. Plus, I just got a new stack of books! I've already read two.
• Work a lot - which so far hasn't happened. Honestly, I keep trying to save my money, and then the next trip comes along, or I buy a new guitar, or I go crazy and buy a pair of TOMS. You know. All very important, break the bank type of stuff. So, I need to log some hours this summer; otherwise, I'll never get a car!
• Visit the love of my life - Paris. Don't ruin my dream. It will happen. Just you wait.

So, what do you think? Is making a summer to-do list totally crazy? Or do you get as completely bored as I do? What's on your summer to-do list?

MakeUp Madness

I thought I would catch you up on my no makeup Wednesdays.  It's been about six weeks since The Beautiful Face Project, and I have gone makeup-less every Wednesday since. This is a fantastic accomplishment for me, except for one thing, I've noticed some negative fat talk coming through the radar on those days I go unencumbered by makeup. I hate to admit it to you, but the nasty, bad habit thoughts have returned like the plague.

In light of recent development, I think it's necessary to bring back The Beautiful Face Project every other month, once a week. Although I will keep going without makeup on Wednesdays, I think that a more forward approach will cause a "great awakening" (if you will) to what really matters (i.e. NOT makeup).

Plus, mascara is just so expensive!

With that being said, here are a few simple tips and sayings to get you through a day without makeup.

1. Imperfections are beautiful.
2. CoverGirls are simply that, they are created to be shown on the front of a magazine, effortlessly flawless. Photoshopped. You can't live up to the fake-ness a photo like that entails. Get over it.
3. Really, people don't pay as much attention to you as you might think. They're just worried about themselves. 
4. Keep your chin up. If you feel beautiful, you are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
5. Don't stop smiling. A smile is your best feature.
6. Your reflection does not define your worth! Don't let that mirror interpret your emotions.
7. Think of all the time you spend on the days you don't wear makeup. Not only do you get to sleep in fifteen minutes, but you won't feel the need to duck into the women's bathroom to check yourself between every class. 
8. Everyone loves rain. No makeup? Good. Now you don't have to worry about mascara smudges when you're splashing in puddles. 
9. Beauty is made from confidence. Go change the world. 

Phrase for the day: "For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." -Audrey Hepburn

To Be A Blogger

Bloggers are strange people. No one can say otherwise. To be a blogger you have to believe in yourself. But it takes more than that. You have to believe that others believe in you - and care enough to go to your page, frantically searching for your next post.

Ah yes, bloggers are the most egotistical and self-absorbed people you will never meet. In one of my favorite essays ever written by E.B. White, he wrote, "The essayist is a self-liberated (wo-)man, sustained by the childish belief that everything he thinks about, everything that happens to him, is of general interest." How much more true can he get? Besides, blogging is the modern form of essay writing. I take this quote to heart. I love E.B. White! "Only a person who is congenitally self-centered has the effrontery and the stamina to write essays." How wonderful! I will thoroughly embrace my self-centered-ness in an effort to keep your mind occupies, especially over the summer months.

Now if you don't mind, I must get back to my French homework. I have been procrastinating far too long.

"But when I am discouraged or downcast I need only fling open the door of my closet, and there, hidden behind everything else, hangs the mangle of Michel de Montaigne, smelling slightly of camphor."

Blue Sky.

With the end of the school year wrapping up, I've been faced with a lot of "growing up." Maybe it isn't personally MY growing up, but it's somebody's, and I just wish I could tell them everything they should or shouldn't do. Of course, I don't know what that is myself.

It's once again that time of the year for my private school eighth graders to graduate. Being an alumni, I cry whenever another class passes through the doors of public school. I don't know why. There is absolutely no reason for this, until this year. My little sister has officially graduated the eight grade. CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND YOURS! Now go back to the easy, care-free days of kindergarten.

All of my "public school friends" say that graduating the eight grade isn't a big deal. That's true - if you went to a public middle school. Graduating from this private school is so much different! I can't explain it properly unless you've properly experienced it. It's a safe house. A place to learn and grow in your Christianity with friends and teachers who support and love you. We open the day in prayer, we have Bible studies, we sing songs of salvation and God's saving grace. School was my life, because that was where my friends were. Graduating from private school is a big deal.

My few weeks of public high school were weird. Not just because everything was new. I just always felt like I was waiting for something to happen. I didn't realize this until months later, but what I had been waiting for was a different start to the day, a simple prayer. But finding that in public school, it's easier to find a needle in a haystack!

It really wasn't until the last term of my freshman year that I really began connecting with people. I didn't find them at school, however, I found them in my youth group. They all went to my school and I didn't even notice them because I was so sucked into my own little pity party of "I don't have any friends."

I guess what I'm trying to say here is this: to you eighth graders, don't let life get you down. It's okay to be nervous for high school. Just don't be so nervous that you don't live your summer. Make friends, be open to meeting new people, but make good choices while you're at it. Don't befriend someone you know is just going to tear you down. Trust God. That's something I had to learn the hard way. Don't be afraid to pray at school. Be the light in the darkness. All those cliche's. Hold onto your innocence. I'm always available to talk if you need it. Have a wonderful summer! High school is going to open up a world of opportunity to you, don't waste it.

A New Chapter

Blogging for my advanced placement language and composition class is officially finished with. It's been long, it's been hard, and at times, I wish I could quit, but now that it's all said and done, I wouldn't change a moment of it. Everything that I've learned in the past several months will do nothing but help me. Now and in the future. I have learned more about the existence of God in my everyday life than I ever could if I hadn't dwelled on his goodness in my blog. I have also been able to grow and see inner beauty as beautiful, and in turn, find the beautiful qualities in myself and others. Like I said, I wouldn't change a minute of it for the world.

The big question now is will I continue to blog without the prompting of this class? The answer is a resounding yes! I've spent two days without worrying about mandatory blogs and the need to write is itching in my fingertips. Although I won't write as frequently, I hope to continue to dive into the topics that I have already been discussing here such as beauty, Christianity, and RUNNING. So don't stop reading, because there's a whole lot more coming!

Speaking of running, and with my post being entitled "A New Chapter," I have a little bit more to share with you. Ever since I ran my half-marathon a whole three days ago I can't wait for my next race! I haven't run again yet, my legs are still a little shaky, but I'll be running a 5K for breast cancer in June. I can't wait. Until then, I will be speed training. My average mile time for the half was 11:16 and I want to be able to run a solid ten minute mile before my next half. Yes, I said NEXT. What can I say? I'm addicted to the feeling of crossing that finish line.

Also, I'd like to remind you that "No Make-up Wednesdays" have thus far been a success. Although, the more time that passes since the week of no make-up, the less enthused I am about going make-up-less. It's a work in progress. But I see another week without make-up sometime in the near future, just to remind myself of who I am, painted or not.

Live and Learn

Now that I've experienced the full effects of a half-marathon, I am taking some time to reflect on everything I did or didn't do to prepare for the big run!

I did not know what I was getting myself into. AT ALL. I had no idea of the time commitment it would take. So running was put first. After God and church and family (?) of course. But I have had no social life since I began training, so it's a good thing that summer is almost here.

I took one look at the training program and just started running. I didn't know what I was doing, didn't have the proper shoes or socks, and thought I was strong enough to do it by myself. Because of the shoe issue, I ended up with ankle pain about two months ago, which really freaked me out. I went to Running Wild, and they fit me with the perfect shoes. Voila! Pain no more. (Except a few blisters, ouch.)

Also, I got really lucky. A few of the women who help with the eighth grade running program at my middle school offered to run with me. It really helped to have them run the long distances with me and coach me through them. Plus, they have ultra cool running watches. No need to question my distance!

In the beginning, I didn't think about tracking my time or mile pace. I really wish I would have! I think if I were to start from scratch and do it again I would choose more of a run/walk program to build speed and endurance.

Just thoughts for next time. For my first half, I'm pretty proud of myself. And if you ever feel crazy enough to do a half-marathon, GO FOR IT! It will be the best, worst, most painful, exciting, exhilarating experience of your life.

Half-Marathon!

Yep. It's official. I have finally ran 13.1 miles. My time? 2:27:36 at an 11:16 pace.

I woke up this morning at 4:45, so nervous that I didn't even feel the need to hit the snooze button. My "running breakfast" always consists of yogurt (Noosa) and a banana. Try as I might, I had absolutely no appetite. So I force fed myself while I sipped a glass of water.

We arrived downtown at about a quarter after six. I stretched, and we waited in the car for fifteen minutes (it was a little chilly). I was so nervous I thought I was going to cry. My dad prayed for me and we went to the starting line. This race was really nice because it had signs for mile times to let you know where to stand in the pack. I was nearer the back. Five minutes later everyone began moving forward. Here we go!

The first mile was weird. About 0.2 into it there was an extremely narrow bridge that we had to cross. Everyone literally stood there for about three minutes, waiting for their chance to cross. I was getting antsy waiting for the crowd to thin out. The first four miles was a piece of cake. But mile five, that was a long stretch. It just seemed so ominous. So I made a friend, and before I knew it, I could see mile six. There was a water station every two miles, which I always stopped and walked at. At mile six, I ate a GU packet, Lemon Sublime, my favorite, but it kind of made my stomach upset. Too much water, I think. It went away about a mile later.

It was a pretty uneventful race. Which is good, in my opinion. I stopped again at mile ten to eat another GU (chocolate outrage - it tastes like brownie batter!), and kept on towards the finish line. With three miles left, I was totally pumped up. There were people on every block cheering us on. It was kind of awesome. The last two miles were hard. There were a lot more hills than I expected, not very steep, just l-o-n-g, and I walked up a lot of them. When I was told three blocks until the finish line, I broke out into a spring. It felt incredible, except for the feeling like I was going to throw up. (No worries, I kept everything down).

I passed the finish line with a smile on my face and 13.1 miles stronger. Yes, I got a finishers medal. I always wondered why medals were such a big deal, now I know why!

I drank a ton of water and ate half a banana directly after the race. We waited around for a little bit before coming home. I feel like it was kind of anticlimactic. Whatever, I finished and I am so proud of myself!

Now if you would excuse me, I'm going to take a nap.

Run Strong

I officially have less than twenty four hours until my race. And you know what? I'm kind of totally freaking out about it. The past week, I've run a total of eight miles. Normally, I run around 25 to 30. I know, I know. Trust my training. I've told myself that time and time again. I'm sure every runner feels totally unprepared the day before a race. Right?

Last night was my last official day of training. I ran a mile and a half. I've had my running log duct taped to my door for about five months now, and last night I finally took it down. Bittersweet moment. It'll be nice to be able to run whatever, whenever I want to after the race. I'm going to have so much free time I won't know what to do with myself!

Throughout the week I've totally been obsessing about my eating habits. What I can or should or absolutely must not eat. I told myself no desert, but come on, I love sugar. Not possible. But I figure if I ruined that throughout the week I can at least get it right tonight. I ate spaghetti, a lot of it. But I promise, I didn't overeat. I drank a Gatorade yesterday and today and have drank a lot of water tonight. Again, not too much that I feel like I'm going to puke water all over the place.

What am I worried about? I'm worried that I'll wake up with an upset stomach. That's what happened last weekend before the 10K, and I hardly ate anything. This goes without saying that I was really hungry during the race. I'm also nervous that I'll get lost. Don't laugh, it's possible. I'm directionally challenged. But I'm trusting that their will be enough police officers and others to guide me. It's supposed to be warm tomorrow, close to ninety. This is something I absolutely cannot let myself think about. It's out of my control. Besides, the weather shouldn't be that warm between seven and ten in the morning.

Tonight, we drove down to pick up my number and race-timer-thingy (I just forgot what it's called!). My number is 445. This all feels so unreal. It's not really me doing it, you know? I feel like I'm living someone else's live for just a few moments. I mean seriously, me, running a half marathon. Yeah right. But I am going to do it and it is going to be awesome.

At this point, I just want to get started. I feel like I can't wait another moment. I'm waking up at five tomorrow morning to hydrate and fuel myself and I know that those two hours before my race are going to be excruciating!

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." -John J. Bingham

Let's do this thing!

10K

This weekend I ran my second race EVER. The first time I ran this race was when I was in eighth grade. Six miles seemed like a lot before I began training for a half-marathon, now it's just a part of my training. I know I'm supposed to be tapering this week, but this was such a great opportunity for me to get a "practice race" in before my big run. Besides, this wasn't about me, this one was about my sister, Anna. She and my mother have been training for this race since I started training for mine. I wanted to see them finish.

This race was a community race to raise money for the school districts. It was the fifth annual race, so it's pretty small, at least for a serious runner. I thought there were a ton of people there! I was going to take it easy, but then I realized that I could place in my age division and I couldn't risk not trying. After all, we all know that next weekend's race will be more about me finishing than anything else. 

I had hoped to get in six miles in under an hour. I'm beginning to think that I'm just setting myself up for failure when I time myself. I blame it on the humongous hills along the route, some of which I had to walk up. My time was 1:06:39 with an average pace of 10:43. 

My sister came in second in her age division, which is awesome! She does this with her middle school and the girls always take first, second, and third in their age group. She had a time around 1:13 along with my mother. 

To brag on myself a little, I got first in the women's 15 to 19 category. This race wasn't about me finishing. Like I said before, I run six miles on an average basis with my training. This race, for me, was about knowing that I can do my half-marathon and experiencing the hyper-activity of a race before I get caught up in it next weekend.

Am I nervous for next weekend? Unimaginably so. Nerves put me in a bad mood. Always. So I'm going to have to fight that this week along with my anxiety. It's horrible for me to want it to be over. This is going to be an awesome experience! 

For training this week my program has me running three miles both Monday and Tuesday and one mile on Friday. I was told to cut down my running even more than that so I'm not sure what I'll actually be doing. I will be staying away from any food that is spicy - can't eat that before a run! And I'm going to try, TRY to stay away from anything too sweet. I want to be in the best shape possible for next week. "Trust your training." I don't know how many times I've heard that. What I really want to do right now is go out and run twelve miles. Not really, though. That sounds exhausting. 

Pray for me! I know I'll be saying this verse hundreds of times during the race. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  

Moving On

As the school year is coming to a close, I begin to realize how quickly things change. Many of my friends are seniors this year, going of to live their life. Partying it up at college (just kidding). I'm no different from the next person when I say I hate saying goodbye's. They rip me apart inside until I feel as if I can't feel anymore.

The reason I'm writing about goodbye's is because one of my senior friends is leaving particularly early. He's going to be a counselor at a youth camp, which is totally awesome, but I'm totally going to miss him. So as I was mourning the loss of a friend not yet gone I realized I was being selfish and stupid. Sure, yeah, some of the people I care about are going places. But they're going places! They're following where God is leading them. Here I am being all mournful and tearful at their departure when they're doing God's Will.

On my way home from youth group on Tuesday, as I was bitterly contemplating what it will be like without the seniors, this song came on the radio. "We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the change to say gotta live like we're dying." Maybe it's just me, but this song was totally speaking to me. I realized that I can't mourn someone who isn't gone. Salvage the time you have left to spend with those you love, even those you don't. We only have so much time to share God's Word with others. If that means he's calling you to move out of state, go for it.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.'" He will take care of you. Trust Him.

  

As for me? I need to trust God to take care of my friends. They're going to do amazing things, wherever God leads them. Use your time wisely because "every second counts on the clock that's ticking. Gotta live like we're dying."

The Dreaded Swimsuit

It's almost summertime. Ladies, you know what that means. Yes, it's time to dig deep into your closet and pull out your swimsuit. As you do this I'm sure you'll be crossing your fingers that it still fits . . . or that you can even find it!

Middle school was around the time I began to feel self-conscience in a bathing suit. I'm sure this is true of everyone. My first swimsuit dressing room horror story was in eighth grade. It was a week before my class trip my mother and I were shopping for swimsuits. I was so excited, until I realized that NOTHING LOOKED RIGHT! I'm sure I tried on a hundred suits (and just as many tears) until I finally decided to "throw in the towel" and chose the next one on the sales rack.

Swimsuits are a pain. I just don't even know where to begin. For me, the most important part of a swimsuit is that it's appropriate. That's kind of a difficult task, obviously. Nothing in swimwear will ever be modest. The next thing is I have to feel comfortable in it. I will never wear a bikini. That's a personal choice.

I guess the inspiration of this post was that I just bought a new swimsuit. I went shopping with the intention of buying a new pair of running shorts and ended up in the swimwear section of the store. I'm normally hesitant to shop for a new swimsuit, but I saw a cute one and just had to try it on. To my surprise, I didn't hate it. Which is better than most of the swimsuits I buy. Why waste a good thing?

What I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about what you look like on the beach, or in my case, on our nasty lake sand. Everyone is way more worried about how they look than how you look. Have fun, enjoy yourself, stay modest if at all possible. Remember, if you feel good, you look good.

Taper Time

I did it! I am in the last two weeks of my training program. It is so crazy how fast this has gone. I mean, it felt like it was never going to end when I started, but now that it's almost over I realize how fast time has flown by. Isn't that how it always is?

I ran my last ten miles yesterday. Because I had to work, I wasn't able to run in the morning like I prefer. It was really hard to get my butt in gear after working. I took a two hour "break from life" and headed out as the day started to cool off. My mother is a saint and rode her bike with me the entire ten miles. She said it's nice because it takes a lot of control to ride that slowely. Plus, mother-daughter talk time is the best! It was a really great run. Halfway through I had some strawberry bananna GU, which I think tastes amazing. Honestly, I really like that stuff. GU is an energy gel (kind of like condensed Gatorade) that replaces your glycogen, which is kind of like a long-term energy storage and is made by the liver and muscles. By the last mile of my run, my knees really began to hurt. I know that this is a side effect of running. You can't really avoid it, so I just iced my knees when I got home. Now I'm hoping for the best!

Since Saturday was my last long run, it's taper time! In order to rest up your muscles before a race, athletes take a period of time to slow down before race day. And yes, I consider myself and athlete. You have no right to challenge me until you have run a half-marathon or greater. Anyway, for a half-marathon, the recommended taper is two weeks. I will, however, be running a 10k next weekend (six miles). My mother and sister have been training for this for twelve weeks and I decided to run it with them. I wanted to get a "practice race" in before my half-marathon.

A lot of runners have a hard time with tapering. Probably because they get the feeling that they are going to gain weight or lose muscle mass before the race. Of everything I've read, you won't lose anything you've worked for in two weeks. I will have no problem taking it easy for the next few days. It will be nice to run three miles instead of six, and six instead of ten.

Of course, as I get closer to race day I think of everything that I might have done wrong during my training. When starting I had no idea what I was doing. I just began running. As I look back, I realize that I should have paced myself. Every run I've been running at an easy speed for me. I should have done fast runs, slow runs, and some runs in between. But whatever. Another thing that drove me crazy at first was when I had to skip a run because I was busy. I soon learned that in order to be a happy racer I had to give myself some leaway. We can't all be hardcore trainers. For my first race, I'd say that I've had a very successful training.

It's probably crazy to think ahead to another race before I've finished this one. But now that I've gotten this far and realized that I can do it, I can't imagine not doing a full marathon. I'm not talking about in the next six months or anything, but in five years? Yes, I can see myself crossing the finish line of a marathon five years from now. In the meantime, I'll focus on my speed. I can't imagine running for six hours!

My race is in thirteen days. That is so crazy! I don't know what I'm going to do when my race is over. I feel like I've been putting all of my energy and time into training. As much as I have enjoyed having something to work towards, I can't imagine being a die heart racer. Living from race to race does not sound like something I would enjoy.

Wish me luck! And happy training.

An Art of Sorts

I consider myself an artist. Yes, writing is an art. After all, it is called Language ARTS for a reason. For the last term of school I decided to take a photography class, which is crazy for me because I'm not "artistic" in the way photography needs you to be. You know, the camera with film as old as your cassette player? I got lucky and my mother still had our old film camera. I didn't realize how much preparation it took to develop film. Taking pictures is alright, but developing them is so relaxing.

I don't particularly enjoy developing the film, however. But once you get to see the negatives, it's so exciting to print your own photographs. I was in the dark room by myself for a little while on Friday. It's so quiet and peaceful back there. To develop pictures there has to be a constant water flow. With the lights dim and the trickling water, it just takes the edge off your day. I absolutely love it! It is a shame that we have gone to digital. It's magical to see your photo appear on the photo paper. Film photography is where it's at!

"Beauty can be seen in all things, seeing and composing the beauty is what separates the snapshots from the photograph." - Matt Hardy

FOCUS

I am sure that you've all heard by now, but let me tell you a little secret: It's finally May! With the weather getting increasingly warmer every day it's hard to remember that we still have four weeks of school left. I mean, really, the school year is o-v-e-r. Eighteen more school days and we'll be having late night bonfires and burning our unnecessary school materials. (Not that we would ever do that.)

I had a teacher tell me that once you start a countdown, your grades go down also. Out of all of his "words of wisdom" this one might be true. I am definitely losing focus as the year comes down to a close. The problem? We have advance placement exams for the next two weeks, and I need to study along with the rest of my high school.

I am really just ready for this year to be over. It has been tough, there have been tears, but I have done it. Almost. After AP exams, it'll be a breeze from there on out. My father was talking about summer today and meantioned that we have less than a month until our vacation. This is going to be the craziest month of my life! At the same time, as eager as I am to see this year gone and over with, I can not believe I'll be a senior next year. It's crazy how fast time flies. Especially when you're not sure you're ready to grow up.

So let's kick this last month in the butt. We're almost finished, let's finish strong.

writers block

Writers block makes me crazy. Who came up with that term anyway? Ugh.

After writing three blog posts a week for the past eighth months, it's no surprise that I've run out of ideas. Guess what? I think I've finally run out of ideas. After all, I'm writing a post about writers block. How much more lame could I get?

I've heard that a true writer never gets writers block. Whoever said that was just trying to beat the system. It's like a cold. No matter how much medicine you take, you can only ride out the wave of writers block.

Just wait, as soon as school gets out and posts are no longer mandatory, I'll have endless ideas. Because that's just the way life works.

Something Amazing

Life has been pretty crazy lately. I always have something that I NEED to do. Tonight that something was band practice. A necessity because we perform (for the second time!) on Tuesday and have only practiced this set of songs once. As I was trying to get the strum pattern down for God of this City I was looking around our totally awesome band room and thought about how "not me" this was. I  mean, playing in a band in front of people. We've already talked about how I don't do anything in front of people. I prefer to sit at my computer and write about the world while everyone else enjoys it.

I've been doing a lot of crazy things lately, such as training for a half-marathon, joining a band, allowing my room to get cluttered . . . you know, not normal. I just think that maybe the reason I'm doing all or these outside-of-the-box stuff is because I'm trying to do something significant before I graduate high school. I want to be remembered. I want everyone to see my name and be like "Oh yeah, her. She is totally awesome!"

But you know what? All of this trying to be "totally awesome" is totally wearing me out. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely l-o-v-e band, and I couldn't imagine not training, but like my room, it's kind of cluttering up my life. Trying to do everything myself can be too much. That's what prayer is for, right?

I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this. On our way home from band practice my friend and I were talking about our faith, about how God has worked in our lives since we've known each other. Freshman year, she and I were in volleyball together. As the story goes, she asked me why I never said "Oh my god." When I told her it was because I thought it was wrong to take the Lord's name in vain, she continued to ask me why I didn't say "oh my gosh." Apparently I replied that my father simply wouldn't allow it. I don't remember having this conversation, but my friend shared with me that was the reason she stopped saying those phrases. This was before she became a Christian.

In that moment I realized it's not important to be remembered. It's important that God is remembered. We don't have to be something amazing because God is something amazing. Totally awesome, amazing God, and I thank Him that I don't have to be amazing on my own.

Positive Exercise

We all love a good exercise, at least I would hope. You know those exercises that make you feel on top of the world? You could conquer anything! Especially while training, these are the days that keep me going. Every time I overcome another mile, I know that I can do anything I put my mind to.

We have also all had those moments when we felt like we would collapse if we took another step. Everything we do is not good enough. Sometimes I get home from a six mile run and feel like I didn't push myself hard enough; I could always be faster, I could always run more. This is ridiculous. After doing something HEALTHY for your body, after making yourself STRONGER, you still feel like it wasn't enough. Truth is . . . if you pushed yourself to the max every single day all you would be doing is wearing yourself out. I had to learn this the hard way when I began training. I hadn't run for at least a year, and I stepped onto that treadmill the first day of January with the goal to run three miles. Ha. That didn't happen, which just discouraged me. Start small. Build up. Don't push yourself to the max all the time because then you'll just be worn out all the time. Six miles is a lot. I've let myself think that six miles isn't actually that far in so that I'll be able to run ten miles without thinking it's that far. If that makes any sense. I was surprised when talking to one of my friends that he was impressed that I had run six miles. Then I realized that a long run/bike/swim/etc. is anything that is long FOR YOU. 

I kind of let myself go off on a tangent. 

Where was I? Oh yes, it's ridiculous to be unhappy with yourself after you exercise. It's like praying and then regretting it. Don't belittle your accomplishments! You are amazing and strong. I often come home from a long run and find myself looking in the mirror in disgust. This is fat "thinking" and it does not belong in your head. 

I was running with eighth graders today. They're training for a 10K (six miles), which is totally awesome! I did the same program when I was in eighth grade and it taught me not only how to exercise, but how to keep up my endurance and how to be healthy. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Anyway, a couple of the kids were struggling, saying how after the race was over they never wanted to run again. Which is all good and fine. Every man for himself. You have to find exercise that fits you. But how much harder does it make it to continue something you hate if you're constantly telling yourself you hate it? 

In order to counteract this thinking, I pray during my runs. I get out there, find that I don't have the strength to push myself forward, and start praying to God. Before I know it, I've run my mileage for the day and can be proud of my ability and God's ability to work in me. I'm not going to lie to you. Running isn't my favorite thing in the world. But it is something that I'm proud of. 

As I'm writing this I'm thinking about school and how I'm always complaining about how much I hate Chemistry and Algebra II. Endurance isn't just for exercise. You use endurance in everything you do. For instance, sometimes I have writers block and have to "endure" to meet the requirements for my AP Lang class. Sometimes we have to build up our endurance for subjects such as Chemistry. I would just like to take this moment to apologize to those I've complained to this week. From now on I will absolutely "adore" Chemistry. As my sixth grade teacher always said, "Fake it till you feel it." 

To wrap it up: don't get down on yourself because you had a hard day. Don't give up because of a bad test grade or a difficult, painful run. You are more than you know! God can work miracles in you, but you have to believe in yourself and "fake it till you feel it."

Training

I officially have exactly four weeks left of my half-marathon training program. Talk about crazy! I know I've said this before, but if you would have told me six months ago that I would be running ten miles, I would have laughed in your face and then gone to sit down and eat a chocolate bar.

I had a really great run today. After talking three days off (busy, busy, busy!) I was expecting a little big of stiffness and a whole lot of complaining. I feel like I've kind of been slacking off. For instance: on Wednesday instead of running six miles I only ran four. Can you say slacker? In my defense, I had just eaten five too many doughnut holes.

Am I nervous for the race? Definitely. I'm not so much afraid that I won't be able to finish as I am afraid that I won't finish in time. I'm not the fastest runner. My average is ten minute miles. But hey, someone's got to come in last, am I right? Another thing, my parents are both supposed to be out of town that weekend, but I know I can count on my friends to be there By the way, it starts at seven in the morning. Good luck with that!

And It Continues

Last night I had a dream . . . I was looking in the mirror and applying make-up for the first time in weeks. When I looked at the finished reflection I realized that I didn't like the way my mascara looked. I began to scrub it off, but it wouldn't wash off and I began to cry because I realized that I liked myself better natural than "fake."

I believe that everything you dream about has a purpose. I dreamed about make-up because yesterday was the last day of my no make-up challenge. The Beautiful Face Project was a success. The beginning of the week was rough. Many times was asked why I wasn't wearing make-up. A few girls told me that I was brave because they wouldn't have the courage to go without make-up. That kind of made me sad, but even a week before I had thought the same thing.

It isn't really about courage. Natural is beautiful and it has been for thousands of years. We weren't born with the ability to apply make-up; it's something you learn. At the beginning of the week I had to remember to trust God. We are created in His image, and we are beautiful. If we believe the lies that we aren't pretty or good enough without make-up, the newest brand of clothing, etc. then we're telling God that He's wrong. That He isn't enough. Make-up-less, that's the way God created me and He sees me as beautiful. 

1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" (Note: God was talking about Samuel choosing a king to lead His people, but I think it works for everyday beauty too!)

I realize that a week isn't much time to really change your mind about something. At first, I was just doing this for my eighth grade girls. But as I began to see myself for who God sees me as, I saw that I didn't need the make-up to be beautiful. Beauty isn't about your outward appearance, it's about your personality. It's about how you treat your friends. It's about your relationship with God. 2 Corinthians 4:16 says, "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." The most important part of beauty is your heart. If God is in control and is the Lord of our lives, we don't have to worry about being seen as "ugly." 

After three years of wearing make-up, I always feel pretty self conscience when I go without. When I'm in a hurry I usually make sure to at least put on mascara. Towards the end of the week, though, I realized that make-up doesn't make me someone else. I'm still me, with or without it. What everyone else thinks - that doesn't matter, because what matters is your opinion of yourself.

One of my expectations was that I would return to my old habits of applying make-up everyday. After my dream last night I realize this isn't true. I debated upon whether or not to wear make-up today but decided to wear make-up to bring a sort of "closure" to my week. From now on I'm going to have No Make-Up Wednesdays. I think it's good to have one day a week to "be yourself." I just don't want to forget that I am beautiful without it; make-up is not a necessity. 

If  you're reading this and thinking that you could NEVER go without make-up, I'd say you're someone who needs to do it the most. So that I wouldn't be tempted to apply any foundation or anything I woke up ten minutes later every day this week than I normally do. JUST DO IT! Don't think about it because then you'll change your mind. You are strong, and beautiful, and confident. Let The Beautiful Face Project continue. 

Natural Beauty

I woke up on Sunday morning not at all excited to go to church without make-up. I didn't feel pretty. I didn't want to dress up, which if you know me at all you know that dressing up, especially on Sundays, is my thing. I forced myself to put on a skirt, sprayed a little perfume, and walked out the door.

Throughout the day I questioned why I was doing this little project. Why does it matter if I wear make-up? Then again, why does it matter if I don't? If I feel comfortable without make-up on, which I should, because it's NOT NATURAL, then why should I continue to wear it? But I feel lazy without it. Which is another reason to do this. Not applying make-up doesn't mean your lazy. I just have to get that from my head to my heart. Besides, I got an extra fifteen minutes of sleep.

I am proud to say that I made it through my first day with out make-up! My friends are all very supportive of me, even though I'm trying to guilt trip them into joining me for at least one day this week. Honestly, I don't expect to get much out of this week. And I do feel bad about that.

Expectations: I'm trying to take super good care of my skin this week. You know, give my face a breather from foundation and what not. Since I don't normally wear make-up on Saturdays (what's the point if all you do is go to Wal-Mart?) It doesn't feel that crazy for me to go to school without make-up. Of course, I say that now. After this week, I'll probably go back to my habit of applying make-up daily. I don't feel like I wear that much in the first place; just foundation and mascara, and occasionally blush and lipgloss. We'll see what happens!

Currently, it's Monday afternoon. I have successfully gone a full school day without make-up on. This is a first. I felt more independent for some reason. Maybe because I don't feel like I'm giving into what society sees as beautiful? However, I couldn't imagine giving up my make-up indefinetely.

The Beautiful Face Project

I had the most amazing opportunity last night.

I was able to lead a Bible study for eighth grade girls on true beauty.

I don't think I could even begin to describe how nervous I was. I've had sort of a "falling out" with my inner beauty topic, and when I was asked to do this I wasn't sure how it would go. I did a lot of praying and a lot of looking for Bible verses to go along with my topic. I wrote down every little word I was going to say in order to remember all of my points. You might not have noticed, but I am a TON better at writing than I am at public speaking.

This girls were so cool! (YOLO) I've worked with them before in a junior leadership program and I was so amazed at the depth of their faith in God. I was definitely not that confident when I was fourteen. They have such a love for God and for others. I know they're going to be such a light when they go into high school in the fall.

I began with the verse Proverbs 31:30, which says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I wanted to get across that before anything we must have a heart for God in order that our "inner self is being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16). I shared with them the Beauty Redefined catch phrases: "You are capable of much more than being looked at." "There is more to be than eye candy." "If beauty hurts, we're doing it wrong." and "Your reflection does not define your worth."

And then I brought up the term "fat talk." Fat talk is defined as an expected behavior for women to participate in to "earn" compliments, express emotions, seek social reassurance, and excuse eating behaviors (Boyle, Operation Beautiful).

I wasn't sure how they would react to that. I know some people just accept it as normal to fat talk, but these girls were so willing to listen. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

We had great discussions about how society wants us to believe that we aren't beautiful. This is a lie. It not only challenges the Bible, but it makes us question God's Will in our lives. I challenged them to all go a day with out make-up, stop fat talk and hold each other accountable when they do fat talk, and believe that they are beautiful, no matter what.

I wasn't expecting such awesome feedback when they quickly decided that they were going to go a WHOLE ENTIRE WEEK WITHOUT MAKE-UP!!  Beginning on Sunday. I myself have been talking about going without make-up since I began this thing and I haven't had enough courage to do it. So I promised them that I would do it with them. No make-up. Sunday through Saturday. The reason I'm writing about this? Is so that all of you know to hold me accountable. I cannot wait! I'm calling this:

The Beautiful Face Project

Won't you join me in an ENTIRE WEEK of natural beauty? 

Beauty isn't only our reflection in a mirror. It's the essence of who we are. If we decide that we're having a bad day based on our reflection, that isn't beautiful. Visa versa. When we fix our eyes on God's view of beauty, it's so much easier to find beauty within ourselves. 

Note: I kind of got my idea from these women. Aren't they amazing?